By Nour Saudi
Age (when it happened): 9
Location (when it happened): Brooklyn, N.Y.
Memory: I was in the fourth grade. Kids in my class starting getting called down to the front office. I had a substitute teacher that day who seemed worried, but wouldn’t tell us what was going on. I started hearing all these different conflicting stories from classmates about this attack in New York City.
I spent the rest of the day outside, watching the smoky gray sky filled with debris, and our Brooklyn street emptier than I’d ever seen it.
Every time the phone rang, I was hoping to hear my name called. Then it was. I went down and found my brother, who was in the grade above me, standing with his two friends and their father. They were Palestinian like us. I knew the man as the deli guy, and was surprised to see him.
He took my brother and me home and said he didn’t want us staying in school by ourselves. I remember thinking he was the nicest man ever. When we got home, my parents and other siblings were huddled around the TV watching the news. I never saw anything like that footage in my life. I spent the rest of the day outside, watching the smoky gray sky filled with debris, and our Brooklyn street emptier than I’d ever seen it.
When I first heard reports about the terrorists being Muslims, I wished so hard that they weren’t. I thought, what are my non-Muslim friends on my block going to think of me? I didn’t want to be part of the bad guys.
I notice every person as I’m walking down the subway platform. When the train starts coming around the corner, I instinctively move back.
How it lives with you today: For a long time, life afterwards wasn’t how I’d heard it was for other Muslims. I didn’t get verbally or physically attacked. And I thought there was no racism, because I didn’t experience it. Then in high school, I wore the hijab and noticed immediately the looks I was getting. Just subtle, like I was being noticed more than usual. As I grew up, micro-agressions became more clear to me.
Today, especially with the constantly rising Islamophobia, I am so aware of my space in public. I am in NYC, when I commute, I take in everything around me. I notice every person as I’m walking down the subway platform. When the train starts coming around the corner, I instinctively move back.
I am constantly thinking of worst case scenarios that can happen to me when I go out in public. Violence against Muslims has tremendously increased post-9/11 and when you’re visibly Muslim, it unfortunately dictates how you behave in public, whether consciously or not.