By Addiction to pornography begins when a person finds pleasure in the unrealistic act of sexual intercourse portrayed on screen. The moment the brain releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin when associated with pornography and masturbation, it will become extremely difficult for people to end their bad habits and try to replace them with good ones.
When left alone in a room — or with overly-strict parents — you will feel the fiery urge to satisfy your guilty pleasures to cope with boredom or problems.
Remember, you are not alone in this; let’s try to educate ourselves on the matter and how we can combat such a situation with strong willpower, InshaAllah.
The worrying figures among the Muslim Youth
The Family and Youth Institute (FYI) recently conducted an assessment of pornography use among American Muslim youth.
The study shows that about 59.3 percent of the Muslim youth admits to having viewed porn, with males being 83 percent and females 17 percent. When asked about the frequency of young Muslims watching porn, most of them watch porn either on a weekly or monthly basis.
As to why they watch porn, the average of each response is recorded respectively; to cope with boredom, to forget about the worries of daily life, to process negative emotions, and to feel less lonely.
The findings above show that anyone is susceptible to pornography addiction, whether if you’re a Muslim or not, a man or a woman, or if you’re exposed to porn during early or later years of life.
The findings above show that anyone is susceptible to pornography addiction, whether if you’re a Muslim or not, a man or a woman, or if you’re exposed to porn during early or later years of life.
What’s unfortunate is that about 58 percent of the Muslim youth are against turning to their families or Muslim communities to talk about their issues openly.
It’s a staggering amount, showing that most families or communities, in general, treat this issue as a taboo, leaving no room for our Muslim youth to get support from when they are faced with such a predicament.
How do we go about this digital social issue?
Pornographic addiction is a worldwide concern, not only among Muslims but non-Muslims as well. Well-known for its severe aftermaths not only in personal well-being, but also religious and cultural beliefs, career development, and marital relationships, great measures have been taken by NGOs and other agencies to ensure that individuals can cure their pornographic addictions and become happier versions of themselves without the need of an unhealthy crutch to do so.
Hence, here are some of the possible solutions that you can opt for — slowly and steadily, of course — to guide yourself towards the path of healing without falling back into the rabbit hole, InshaAllah.
1. Take a moment to ponder on the Quranic verses and ahadith about committing sins and modesty
Have you ever felt immediately guilty or demotivated after you’ve done the deed? If you do, know that it is your natural inclination (fitrah) calling out to you that this is not what it needs — and is in fact, against it.
Your brain might release all the feel-good chemicals temporarily, but you do notice that it doesn’t do much for you long-term. Allah Almighty has mentioned in the Quran about committing immoral acts:
وَٱلَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُوا۟ فَـٰحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ فَٱسْتَغْفَرُوا۟ لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَن يَغْفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ إِلَّا ٱللَّهُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّوا۟ عَلَىٰ مَا فَعَلُوا۟ وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ
“And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins — and who can forgive sins except Allah? — and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know.” [Quran 3:135]
It’s crucial to highlight that Allah says “wrong themselves” instead of “wronging Allah.” When you commit an act of sin, it doesn’t affect Allah whatsoever, but it will in turn affect you. It affects you alone, and the people around you at most.
Allah Almighty then tells you an immediate solution afterwards whenever you’ve committed bad deeds, which is to remember Him and to seek forgiveness!
Allah is spoon-feeding you the solution to uplift the burden you have caused upon yourself from your shoulders. Remember, Allah the Merciful cares about you a lot more than you think, and never for once think that you’re not worthy of His love just because you’ve committed so many sins.
That is why Allah Almighty has created a set of rules and laws for us human beings to follow, so we maintain a state of clarity and balance by fulfilling our overall needs, a state of sa’adah (happiness) in this world and Hereafter.
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that:
The Prophet [SAW] said: “Modesty (Al-Haya’) is a branch of Faith.” [Sunan An-Nasa’i]
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has also mentioned in many narrations about modesty being a part of faith. One of the ways you can incorporate this whenever you’re facing the addiction is by being shy towards Allah Almighty.
Before you think of putting yourself in the situation, remember that Allah sees you and whatever you do. Putting yourself in this mindful state will at least make you think twice before you start watching porn again, InshaAllah.
2. Identify your triggers and take note of the patterns
Different people have different triggers. Some have a strong urge to watch porn as soon as they wake up from bed, some before bed, and some people will have the chance to do it any time of the day as long as they’re alone.
It all depends on you and how well you know yourself. Take note of it, and ask yourself why you’re doing it at this particular time. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
- Why do I feel the urge at this particular moment? Is it because of boredom? Am I recently afflicted with an issue I want to run away from? Do I feel lonely?
- Does this only happen when I’m alone and in my room? Does this happen when I’m anywhere else?
- How do I feel before and after the deed is done? Is there a significant change?
- What can I do to replace the triggers?
3. If it’s impossible to do it alone, tell someone you REALLY trust
As much as you’re not advised to expose your sins or weaknesses to other people, there is a difference between doing so to brag about your sins, and doing so to seek help. If you know your limitations, and you know you don’t have great self-control, get someone to guide you when you’re struggling.
Tell them what your issue is, and what kind of solutions you think will help you cure your addictions. If your friend or family member truly loves you, they would surely want to help you out of the endless cycle of pornographic addiction! Here are some of the things you can brainstorm with your friend on some possible solutions:
- Ask your friend to call you up and discuss the trigger whenever you feel the urge.
- Ask your friend to invite you out for a short walk or exercise when you have the urge.
- If it’s your roommate or someone who lives in the same house as you, be physically present whenever you have the urge.
- Ask your friend to spend time with you taking up various hobbies such as painting, gardening, writing, and more to diffuse the urge.
- Ask your friend to guide you spiritually by listening to a Muslim podcast, lecture or recite the Quran together.
4. Do guided meditation for addiction recovery
Sometimes, all you need is 11 minutes a day to meditate and remain in a state of mindfulness to curb your addiction daily. By focusing on your breaths, your state of consciousness, and recentering yourself, you can have more self-control, remain in a calmer state of mind without triggering your addiction.
If you have spare time in the morning after you wake up from bed, click on any of these guided meditation videos for you to follow:
- Guided Meditation for Addiction Recovery (Overcome Addiction & Cravings)
- Guided Meditation for Cravings and Addiction (10 Minutes)
- Meditation for Addiction Recovery / Relapse Prevention / Breaking the habit
5. Don’t forget to communicate your problems to Allah the Most Merciful
Above all, the most powerful weapon to overcome pornographic addiction is by making dua to Allah Almighty. He hears your worries and prayers, and it is a means for you to get closer to Him.
Do not beat yourself up if you fall every time you try, because He knows your effort and that you are trying. Always communicate with Him and try your best to get up and move on.
As they say, if you fall seven times, get up eight. Here are some useful duas for you whenever you feel guilty of your sins, and when you need help.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: O Allah, You are forgiving and generous. You love to forgive. [Sunan At-Tirmidhi]
Abdullah b. Amr b. al-‘As reported that he heard Allah’s Messenger ﷺ as saying:
“Verily, the hearts of all the sons of Adam are between the two fingers out of the fingers of the Compassionate Lord as one heart. He turns that to any (direction) He likes.”
Then Allah’s Messenger ﷺ said: “O Allah, the Turner of the hearts, turn our hearts to Thine obedience.” [Sahih Muslim]
Realising the Reality of Today’s Challenge and How the Community Can Help
It is undeniably a difficult era for the Muslim youth to live in nowadays, especially with social challenges they are forced to face head-to-head.
Despite the wide use of social media, the portrayal of sexual indecency in movies, music, and entertainment in general, it is our responsibility as the older generation to create a safe space for them to confide in and to be accepted as normal human beings without judgement.
There are two types of safe spaces we can make:
Metaphorical space
This is a space that adults and young Muslims can engage in safely, conversation-wise. Adults need to be open-minded and reach out to them in a loving manner.
We must play an essential role in their lives for them to trust us enough to share with us their struggles with pornographic addiction and help guide them in a loving and understanding way.
We must play an essential role in their lives for them to trust us enough to share with us their struggles with pornographic addiction and help guide them in a loving and understanding way.
As the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be upon him, has never ridiculed someone when they come to him with a problem, that is how we should react when someone comes up to us and shares with us their issues.
Physical space
Create a physical space for the young Muslims to share their struggles with pornographic addiction by establishing a support group in mosques, counselling centres, or even online.
Sometimes, all young Muslims need is to feel that they’re not alone in this situation. Certified counsellors or academic scholars can lead these groups, making sure to guide the young Muslims to a definite conclusion that can benefit them all in the long run, InshaAllah.
Start educating our Muslim youth about the beauty of Islam
Another way we can help the Muslim youth is to provide the necessary Islamic knowledge, Prophetic values and skills — and to start teaching them when they are young, even as toddlers.
Although there are many Islamic educational institutions and madrasas out there that cater to children, we need to make sure they learn, explore, and appreciate the beauty of Islam.
It’s not merely for the sake of memorising without understanding, learning without doing, and pressuring our kids to get good grades. It’s the exact opposite, and one of the ways parents can start imbuing Islamic knowledge from a young age is to try out a reliable Islamic learning platform for kids such as Al-Mishkat Online Madrasah.
In conclusion, the issue of pornographic addiction has always occurred since the industry first started. It quickly became the second most profitable industry in the world.
It is only in the 21st century that we voice out the issue and admit the prevalent side effects of pornographic addiction, especially among Muslim youth. It is our responsibility to guide one another in these difficult times, so let’s help them out and strive towards success in this dunya and Hereafter, InshaAllah!