#MuslimGirlLife

On Muslim Men & the ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ Mentality

boys will be boys
  • Hanna

    Yes omg if start it will become never ending. I live in Manchester in a Yemeni community area and if one girl was to sin most of the community would tell their daughters to boycott that girl and have her no reputation ruined and not to receive any marriage proposals within the community because she’s seen labelled as bad. Tbh it’s for best no one wants someone they walk past every now and then that’s so small minded. Girls are limited from doing many things when it’s a different case for boys. I’m just fed up of it all enough is enough though cultured people never change they have so much pride and ego to drop it all. If everyone had a pure intentions and a good heart which is required of a Muslim life would be so much peaceful, loving and kind. Let’s just say we are strong muslim alhamdulliah who won’t let anyone put us down.

    • Chicken Permission

      Lmfao 😂😂 what about when you are married off so that they can save face because of a rumour one of your parents heard but had no freaking proof of! And when asked what the rumour was, they would turn their face away and say something like “can’t tell you it’s so bad”, but lol I haven’t done nothing to warrant such treatment from you like that. What about the fact that it’s haram to accuse someone who is innocent “to point a finger on a pious woman, with no proof” is forbidden. Especially if you cannot back it up with solid evidence/witnesses you can rely on. What about the forbiddeness of marrying your daughter off because you promised to give your daughter’s hand in marriage, even though your daughter never agreed, or marrying them off for a business deal, to solidify that business deal. And like that author of this article said, what about the men who watches porn and crap, who cheat etc. They get away with crap, heck, they get encouraged! Am not saying to allow girls to do it, am saying boys should be disciplined too! Boys should be made to carry out household tasks, to be taught how to be a pious man, whilst girls are taught to on how to be a pious women. Am saying that girls should not be accused like this,especially if they haven’t done nothing in the first place. Am saying that the men of this century really need to reign in their dick coz by goodness, it’s out of bloody control!! The fact that ‘muslim’ men are now involved in these dipiccablw activities; big sex scandal in U.K. they are taken to court, one is from Old Trafford of Manchester and that creeps the hell out of me! The creeps! Disgusting!

      • Hanna

        Yes it’s very stupid because they just try to mess up innocent girls lives when no one has the right to. Exactly no one has proof to give to a man asking for a hand in marriage of a woman though blindly what the community say. God knows all that’s all I can say and with housechores following Islam it should be equal and fair and both genders yet again girls are mistreated. Yes I know a lot of muslim men in the UK are disgusting knocks me sick 😷yet a girl commits adultery she could be honour killed with most families or sent back home

      • Leah Vernon

        That’s so sad. We gotta start protecting our girls. We are not objects to just marry off!

    • Leah Vernon

      Oh lord. Are they serious??? But guess what? Those sames ones going so hard to ostracize that girl are probably the worst behind closed doors… *Sips tea*

  • Faatimah Solomon

    LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS

    • Leah Vernon

      *Winks*

  • @Modest.Sisters.Blog

    I think majority of muslim women have experienced this one way or the other and to be honest it is very sad how unequal us women can be treated his is why it is very important we educate ourselves and know our rights in Islam so we have a firm foot to stand on and when situations like this arise we need to ask these judgmental people when we stand infront of Allah will that girl and boy who committed the exact same sin be judged differently? Or does the guy get favoured over the girl because he was able to run the streets? Or do they make up these silly excuses to hide behind their pride and ego? This is a form of manipulation! Using deen as a way to control or instore guilt…Let us not forget Those who judge or oppress others will be told by Allah s.w.a to judge themselves accordingly on the day of judgement so may Allah guide us all to the truth and the right path insha’Allah x

    • @modest.sisters.blog

      *this

    • Leah Vernon

      Exactly. I would hope because someone was Muslim they’d understand that our sins weighed equally, but I’m not a mufti so what do I know. *Sips tea*

  • Sally

    Thank you so much for writing this. Everything you’ve pointed out is exactly what I’ve been and continue to go through as an Arab and a Muslim. In 25 years old yet I feel like a 10 year old. It’s always you can’t do this yu can’t do that because you’re a girl, blah blah blah. A girl does not do this, a girl does not do that. I’m sick of it! But whatever my brothers do they get away with it. Why? Because they are men and same old shit, they can do what they like!

    • Leah Vernon

      Girrrrrl! You gotta rise above it. Let them talk. At the end of the day you gotta make you happy.

  • Dalia

    The hypocrisy is disturbing. Wrong is wrong regardless of gender or religion.
    This idea of marry four is a joke. So many can’t even take care of one decently. Keep it real. I’m not trying to promote negative treatment of anyone female or male. Thank you for trying to turn off the broken record.

    • Leah Vernon

      It’s so crazy. I just cant even.And you’re welcome :)

  • MaritAslaksen

    Wow! You are a truly brave woman!! 😀❤❤❤

    • Leah Vernon

      Awww thanks boo :)

  • Fatima

    Truth be told today people are not driven by religion rather just by culture. That us why girls will keep suffering. Culture that has no meaning, infact if muslims nowadays neglect the heedings of Allah and respect and worship culture. But for guys their mentality and selfishness only Allah will punish them and vindicate us

    • Leah Vernon

      You are right. In every way, a woman is still ruled by culture. Let’s start following the actual rules of Islam.

  • Huda

    Ooooh girl, PREACH! Thank you, for freeing the thoughts in my head in a way I couldn’t. Thank you for laying bare and being vulnerable in a way I haven’t been able to, yet. Thank you for giving zero fucks.

    <3, a like-minded almost-liberated Muslimah

    • Leah Vernon

      HAHA! It’s what happens when you get old.

  • Samirasa

    Salaam Aleikum, great Points! There is such a deep double standard in our communities, it’s not even funny. It’s present on very subtle levels as well, even in middle school and grade school. In some Islamic schools boys are allowed to terrorize girls, the girls are expected to assume a 2nd class status and this is enforced by the girls and women as well. It’s sick and I’ve never read anything in the Quran or Sunnah that validates this mistreatment of girls. Please keep exploring these issues. Jazakhoum Allahu khairun

    • Leah Vernon

      Thanks hun for sharing. Ugh. That makes my skin crawl.

  • Christine in Australia

    I am not Muslim. But I’m going to save this link so I can post it on every idiot comment that there’s no Muslims speaking out about the inequalities in Islamic cultures.
    And most western girls will be able to relate to a lot of this. We get told not to drink toi much. Not to wear provocative clothing. Not to flirt. To be home by a certain time. I’m fairly certain most boys don’t get told the same thing.

    • Leah Vernon

      Aww. Thanks for supporting and sharing girl. Yes, we are out here. But mainstream media doesn’t want our voice. The double standard is too real!

  • Nadia Quraishi

    Really True. This Gender Inequality is Almost in Every Community In India. There is One more Problem That a Muslim Girl Faces In Her Community, Which You Can Read In The Article Below:
    https://www.facebook.com/notes/modish-muslimah/dealing-with-criticism-by-your-own-community-for-wearing-the-hijab/307421399604249/

    • Zahid

      I have also faced many taunts from my Dad and even from my cousins and neighbourhood for growing beard at young age. At the age of 23, people call me “CHACHA”

    • Leah Vernon

      This makes me mad!

  • Mary Clemons

    So relateable. 29 and experienced allll of this and then some. Disappointed in our men more than anything. No explanations needed Allah knows our hearts and our intentions…. We’re dealing with grown boys who are in need of schooling. These high expectations/barely maintaining/ weak on deen brothers need guidance on how to be ideal husbands/ how to be the leader of a Muslim Household. My tolerance is slim to none now unfortunately…. I got stories for days as I’m sure many sisters are in the same situation. Thanks for sharing. I usually don’t post/ voice my opinion. But this topic here..was on point

    • Leah Vernon

      You and me both. I have so many I couldn’t even post them all. Ugh!

  • Zahid

    leaving aside legislations of religion. What is sinful for men is also sinful for women.

    • Leah Vernon

      Yep.

  • Jeannette Thomas

    I almost married a Muslim man and almost changed my name. I would have if I was treated better because it is a beautiful religion. I am honest with my family and we have a very close relationship in spite of our imperfections. His Family were all so horrible, backstabbing and judgmental to one another. They were doing worse things to one another than I could imagine ever doing to my loved ones. But because they had their religion they deemed themselves “the superior ones”. I just wish people could focus on themselves rather than worry what other people are thinking of them.

    • Leah Vernon

      Aww so sorry for that experience. But remember its the people and not the religion. Hope you have much better experiences with Islam and Muslims. It’s some cool cats out here. lol.

    • Isra ❤️

      Awww I hope you realise that not all Muslim families are like that xxxx

  • Gamila Salem

    I guess it all depends upon the Muslim community and family you were raised in. While there is a lot of pressure put on Muslim girls I see a lot of the same pressure put on boys in my community. Boys are shamed for being indecent and disowned by their families, especially if they have unmarried sisters who their actions could ruin their sisters’ marriage prospects. Muslim boys are demonized as being naughty since birth – which isn’t fair either.

    Also, many Muslim boys in my community are expected to work full-time starting in high school while Muslim girls are not. Muslim boys in our community must also hold up to a very unreasonable marriage expectation set by local culture – basically having to buy their wife. What I mean is, before marriage he has to buy an apartment – all the furnishings – and lavish the girl well beyond his means in order for the marriage to move forward. Basically buying her family’s approval. It doesn’t matter if he is a good Muslim anymore – he has to be rich – and that’s what makes a good husband. Many boys just don’t have the income to do so and become deeply in debt just to marry.

    Furthermore, in our community girls and boys go out after maghrib and stay out very late. Girls usually go out in groups and so do boys – not together.

    As others have mentioned, this has a lot to do with culture but also to do with the families raising these children. Not so much to do with religion. I think it is unfair to only look at it from a one sided view. There are a lot of pressures put on Muslim boys girls will just never understand if we don’t stop to look at it from beyond our own viewpoints.

  • outer_rl

    It is shambolic. It’s a combination of their mothers treating this behaviour as normal, and of course the imams preaching the double standard. There needs to be less reverence for phallocratic imams.

    • Cake123

      Hello you might remember me from mvslim I really love our ‘debate’ that we had about hijab and feminism.
      From Isra ❤️

  • Sainab

    thank you so much for this finally someone who sid whats in my mind all the time finally some one who said what i always whatn to screm out it felt so good reading this.
    My uncle likes to say im a man but please at the last day when you stand infront of allah and he ask you why you didnt pray and why you smoke is he going to say im a man???
    sorry if i made any mistakes im from germany (living in algeria) and 14 years old

  • Isra1234

    This shit is soooo true I can almost relate to them 100% normally if a girl does this shit she will be forever blamed and it would scar her life… I don’t really understand the whole concept of the ‘Muslim’ guy double standards going around doing whatever they want heck they are even encouraged! I am not saying for girls to do the same thing but what I am saying is that guys should be disciplined to! I feel like there is a more tighter restriction on girls than guys due to the cultural belief this has to stop! We need a more Islamic upbringing that treat both genders equally not this whole cultural mess that the kids have magically inherited from their parents adopting the same double standards as a Muslim feminist this annoys me a lot it’s one of the topics that really bugs me as it is absolutely relatable for me I myself have experienced some sort of sexism and it really frustrates me to the core!
    Sorry for the rant just had to get it out there xxx

  • Isra❤️

    This shit is sooooo true! It’s almost 100% relatable if a girl does this shit then that’s her whole life scared and ruined but if the guy does it well it’s a whole different story I am not saying that girls should do the same thing what I am saying is that guys should be disciplined to! Lucky for me I come from an independent family where it’s mainly female orianted so I never experienced an of that but I have experienced sexism as a Muslim feminist it bugs me to the core! Don’t even get me started of fucked ‘Muslim’ guys requesting pious Muslimah when they’ve done what ever they want this all stems from culture that they have magically inherited from their parents this should be STOPPED! It starts in home we should be raising kids islamicaly treating both genders equally – sad reality

  • Tiffah Yusuf

    This is so true. In Nigeria, simply because she is a girl, my sister’s athletic abilities are frowned on. We are muslims not objects!!!!

  • Nadia

    i wish this article went viral, everyone needs to know!

  • Nadia

    We are not asking to be allowed to sin but to just be treated the same as boys, no hypocrisy. Boys should be damned and have their reputation excessively ruined for smoking or going out at night; or then girls should be seen as equal and be allowed to choose what to do in life freely making mistakes like boys do, without a heavy stigma attached to it.

  • Nadia

    and it really annoys me how boys who smoke want a girl who hasnt even tried it, or how guys expect a virgin wife when they’ve been taking girls virginitys before.its disgusting. if youre not an angel don’t expect a angelic wife because its very unfair for a innocent wife to know that their husband has seen many other girls bodies before, its a two way street