By Why is it that people who are not family, who aren’t genuinely concerned or care about you, end up asking silly, intrusive questions? Sadly, some people simply won’t stop making you uncomfortable by asking personal, inappropriate, or downright rude questions.
Our tongues are like double-edged swords. They can work for us or against us, both in this world and the Hereafter. Allah (SWT) will hold us accountable for what we say. There’s no need to stoop down to a lower level, but answering in a sarcastic way, being polite, or simply keeping silent is the best response. When we have nothing beneficial to say, silence is golden.
Asking a school-goer:
“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” (Why so curious?)
“What did you get in your exam?” (Hoping it’s less than their child, because then they can look upon you with condescension, am I right?)
“You didn’t get into that university? Aww!” (Fake sympathy alert! Fake sympathy, right there!)
Asking unmarried individuals:
“When are you getting married?” (Why do you ask? Feeling a hankering for biryani?)
“Why aren’t you married?” (Because I don’t feel like it. Why else?)
“You’re old enough to get married.” (Oh, I didn’t know there was a fixed age to get married! Why hasn’t anyone alerted the media?)
Asking and telling individuals:
“You’ve lost so much weight! You don’t look good!” (Who do you think you are? Judge Judy?)
“Why did you gain so much weight?” (Eating makes people fat, so why ask “why?”)
“She’s fair. She’s pretty.” (Careful dear, your racism is showing.)
“She’s dark, but with makeup she doesn’t look so bad” (Oh my word, I cannot with this racism!)
Asking aged people:
“Where do you want to be buried?” (In the ground…duh!)
“Do you feel lonely?” (Will you give him/her company? No? Then take a hike!)
“Do you miss your husband/wife?” [in cases of having a loved one pass away] (And who doesn’t miss their loved one? Ugh! Tasteless.)
Asking married couples:
“How much do you earn?” (What does it matter, it’s not like I’m going to pay your bills!)
“When are you having a baby?” (When the time is right…obviously.)
“What does your husband do?” (Work, just like everyone else!)
“How are your in-laws?” (Oooh, digging for some gossip there!)
Beloved uncles and aunties, it’s time you cease asking such questions. Why?
- Asking inappropriate questions, or offering unsolicited advice can make someone feel humiliated, astonished or angry.
- Some things are personal, and therefore not up for your consumption. Deal with it.
- It is not nice (I can’t believe I have to say this).
- There is a barrier, which should not be crossed. Asking intrusive questions about people’s personal lives crosses that boundary.
- It is time to do something productive rather than intruding on the personal lives of others. Keep your inquiring mind in check, and focused on more positive things.Our tongues are like double-edged swords. They can work for us or against us, both in this world and the Hereafter. Allah (SWT) will hold us accountable for what we say. There’s no need to stoop down to a lower level, but answering in a sarcastic way, being polite or simply keeping silent is the best response. When we have nothing beneficial to say, silence is golden.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“Part of the perfection of one’s Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him.”
– Sahih at-Tirmidhi
So why do people ask intrusive and nosy questions?
- They do not realize that what they are asking is not okay.
- Curiosity.
- Sometimes, the goal behind asking intrusive questions is to make someone feel shame. Unfortunate, but true.
- On other occasions, nosy questions are the result of having been on the other side of this equation, and wanting to put someone else in the same position.
- Occasionally, questions arise from a desire to help (this can be noble, but the wrong way to go about things).
- Finally, the questions may come from a desire to connect with you (this can be a weird way of communicating).
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“Speak a good word or be silent.”
– Sahih al-Muslim
This hadith encourages us to guard what we are saying. A person who wants to speak should think upon what he/she is about to say before uttering it. If it has benefit to it, then he/she may say it; otherwise he/she should refrain from doing so. The hadith also discusses some of the ways a Muslim’s faith should influence the way he relates to others. Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani writes: “This hadith speaks about three matters, and in doing so it brings together everything that good manners entail with respect to both word and deed.”
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“Most of your sins are because of your tongues.”
– Al-Mu’jam al-Kabir 10300
Now it comes down to, what can we do? And how do we respond? Well, responding from a position of kindness is always the best way to restore our own sense of stability. Our tongues are like double-edged swords. They can work for us or against us, both in this world and the Hereafter. Allah (SWT) will hold us accountable for what we say. There’s no need to stoop down to a lower level, but answering in a sarcastic way, being polite or simply keeping silent is the best response. When we have nothing beneficial to say, silence is golden. Remember, anger never teaches well, but makes a situation worse, and kindness teaches in a better form and goes a long way. InshaAllah lets hope, maybe someday, the nosiest of people will stop asking these annoying questions!