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I Am 25 Years Old and Still a Virgin

I am 25 years old and still a virgin.

In the West, many people would be shocked. I am way past the average age that people lose their virginity. For Muslims, it may not be a shock but rather a norm. Many Muslims honor the jurisdiction that sexual activity is an act reserved for married couples.

Research suggests the average age for a Muslim woman to marry is 18-19. This would imply that these women lose their virginity in their late teens. However, a handful of Muslim women don’t get married young and choose to safeguard their virginity after marriage. And then, some Muslim women are unmarried and choose to engage in sexual activity. According to surveys conducted by the Family and Youth Institute, “50-60% of young Muslims are engaging in some sort of premarital sexual activity.”

Being a Virgin Can Be Frustrating

My lack of sexual inactivity has been something that’s been on my mind lately. I’ve lived a quarter of my life without a romantic partner, which means that my chances of engaging in sexual activity have been slim from the start. Growing up, I was taught that sex before marriage was a sin. The Quran says, “Therefore, do not even go near Zina, for it is a very shameful thing and a very evil way!” (17:32.) The wisdom behind saving sex for marriage is that you feel secure engaging in this act of intimacy with someone you trust and with someone with whom you have vowed to spend the rest of your life. I’d assume that many women, like me, want to engage in passionate sex and romance with their soulmates.

For the past few months, I have worked through my virginity issue. Why am I waiting to take part in sexual activity? After all, we have a loving God who may (or may not) forgive me for having sex before marriage. Besides the fear of sin, I look back at the past few years of my adult life and feel grateful for being a virgin. Had I been desperate, I could lose my virginity as soon as I wanted to. But I realized that having sex with anyone can be a traumatic and regretful experience but waiting for someone I truly connect with and find attractive can be worthwhile.

Here’s When I Plan On Losing My Virginity

Being a virgin has taught me the sacredness of a sexual connection. People get married young either because they like their partner or because they want sex from their partner and believe they can only have sex within the confines of marriage. But I have learned that sex alone does not make a relationship last or a relationship healthy. Marriage takes work, and sex binds people together. Do I want to enter into a relationship with someone I’ll end up regretting? With someone who will damage my health? With someone who will cause me trauma and years of therapy to get over? Not at all.

I have decided to wait until I meet a real, honorable, and sexy man who will provide for me and respect my freedom to live my own life while we also share a romantic and sexual connection. Although I feel lonely in the “virgin club,” I know others out there feel the same way I do. To my surprise, some virgins are in their 20’s and 30’s and even much older. I didn’t know there were so many virgins because we live in a hypersexual society that shames people for not sleeping with others by the time they’re in high school. But I’m glad I’m choosing to opt out of peer pressure. Instead of rushing into a horrible marriage to have sex, I will wait for the right man to make me feel safe and loved. Most of all, I am choosing myself and what I want in life, and at the end of the day, that’s what matters most.