A Letter To My Mom, From Her Independent Daughter

Dear Mom,

There is something that I have been meaning to tell you, and here it goes…

I understand that we play an important role in each other’s lives, but I feel I can’t be as up front with you about my feelings as you are with me, sometimes.

I feel that just because you are older than me in age and experience, you sometimes (knowingly, or unknowingly) tend to control my relationships and my lifestyle.

I also understand that age and experience make a person wiser, and I really value your opinions and advice. But sometimes, I feel it’s really unfair of you to expect me (or even force me) to act upon your advice.

It’s great that you are around, and are an integral part of our family, but please understand that now I have my own family, too. Don’t I have the right, liberty, and control to run it the way I want?

I acknowledge that you have raised amazing kids; more kids than I have right now. Still, I really need you to understand that both of us have raised kids in different eras, and I need you to trust my parenting style. I need you to acknowledge my hard work.

Please understand that I am functioning at my own capacity, and you have to accept me for who I am.

I know that you love your grandkids. I can never thank you enough for the help that you have provided me all along; but please understand and follow the rules that I have made for them. Because at the end of the day, both of us want the best for them.

I also need you to know that just because I work, or hang out, or do things for my own self, that doesn’t make me a bad mom, or wife. It only means that I am an individual who is so much more than all the relationships in her life.

Please be mindful of the way you discuss me with my husband, because good or bad, it affects our relationship and it further affects my equation with you.

And can you please stop comparing me to all the high functioning women around you, just to bring me down? Because honestly, it breaks my heart. Please understand that I am functioning at my own capacity, and you have to accept me for who I am.

Mom, I know you are trying to guess why would your daughter say all of this to you. Because it’s not her, it’s me: your daughter-in-law.

I am ready to be your daughter, only if you truly accept me as one.

Edited by Manal Moazzam.