Written by Mina Khan
Private Islamic schools: a place where many students find their American and Muslim identities not only by going through a typical school curriculum with other Muslims their age, but also by learning about their religion in depth. However, we often find that these schools fail to discuss important issues that our Muslim communities, unfortunately, consider taboo topics. There are many things that Islamic schools don’t teach the students that are extremely important. Here are six things Islamic school didn’t teach well enough.
1. Women’s Health
First thing’s first, the word “menstruation” and “period” were words of shame. No girl was supposed to speak about it nor was she allowed to show that she was going through it. If it ever came up in conversation, girls suddenly became quiet, while the boys made disgusted noises, as if the process was unnatural.
When cramps got too bad, girls were supposed to either “suck it up” or go hide down in the nurse’s office, after which they would get reprimanded for coming back to class because “intense stomach pain” isn’t something worth missing class for. Periods, in general, were never discussed in great detail and, typically, girls first heard about it at school in eighth grade. Girls who got their periods early sometimes had no idea what it was and were often just given a pad without any other information.
First thing’s first, the word “menstruation” and “period” were words of shame.
Our health classes were co-ed, which was a great move in the right direction, but we were simply given information on the scientific process, making it impersonal and awkward to discuss. Women’s health was never mentioned in great detail From things like hygiene and puberty to pregnancy and sex. For example, pads were sometimes scattered around the floor or flushed down the toilet because girls were never taught how to use them properly at school. Feminine hygiene is another thing that younger girls were reprimanded for, even though the school itself doesn’t teach them anything about it in the first place.
2. Sex Ed
Sex was labeled as a “bad word” and sometimes saying “sexual intercourse” could get you in trouble, too. When discussing sex for the first time, things were kept simple and possible infections and/or diseases were not openly talked about, neither were birth control, condoms or sexual health. It was believed that because the students were at an Islamic school, they would never be introduced to them. In this way, Islamic schools create a bubble where real-world issues are not talked about because they are deemed unimportant or, in some cases, irrelevant and, most importantly, taboo.
Keeping curious students in the dark about sex is incredibly problematic and dangerous. If our Islamic schools won’t teach us about sex education then students will find out from places and sources that may do more harm than good. Countless problems can arise because kids are not properly educated about not only sex itself but also the risks and diseases that can result from unprotected sex.
It was believed that because the students were at an Islamic school, they would never be introduced to them.
Girls, especially, are unaware of the different contraceptives that can be used and why they can be important. Not talking about sex until the day before you get married is unfair and quite frankly, stupid. I commend and sincerely appreciate the type of work HEART Women & Girls do by promoting “sexual health and sexual violence awareness in Muslim communities through health education, advocacy, research and training.” We need Islamic schools to step up to the plate and talk about sex education in depth because it should not be taboo.
3. Mental Health
Although mental health was discussed at school, it wasn’t considered an actual health concern. Instead of encouraging students to go and seek help, they blamed the student for not praying or doing dhikr. When someone had an eating disorder, they were labeled as “weak,” causing many students to hide it until it became too obvious. People used to skip lunch and pass out in the hallways, their weight suddenly falling at alarming rates. However, when they did receive attention, it was never labeled as an “eating disorder” – it’s just a “health concern.”
Instead of encouraging students to go and seek help, they blamed the student for not praying or doing dhikr.
Suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety were scoffed at because that’s not something a “ true Muslim goes through.” People who had these thoughts were forced to keep it to themselves because the discussions at school about suicide would discourage the students to speak up about it. Things such as anxiety and depression were never considered and their symptoms were overlooked which resulted in kids not receiving the right treatment or help at school.
4. Sexual Assault/Abuse
There wasn’t a single person at school who could say “rape” without cringing or taking a pause and looking around the room awkwardly. Girls were told that there was a very low chance anything would happen to them because they wore hijab, while boys would make jokes about the topic, unaware about how serious it is and that there was a chance they could be a victim, too.
Sexual assault/abuse was barely discussed at school and when asked to have discussions about this topic, students were told that talking about these things were “inappropriate.” The lack of discussion on rape and sexual assault is the basis of ignorant victim-blaming in the Muslim community. Saying things like, “Oh you wear hijab so you’ll be fine” is shameful, incorrect and inappropriate. Rape can even occur within a marriage. Anyone can be a victim. Islamic schools’ inability to recognize that is deeply concerning and shameful on the Muslim communities we are a part of. Even the topics of domestic and verbal abuse were neglected. If it’s too shameful and taboo to talk about with students, why are there alarming rates of abuse and sexual assault in our very own communities? Many guys to this day think it’s okay to make rape jokes, and many girls are too ashamed of their experiences to talk to professionals about what happened.
There wasn’t a single person at school who could say “rape” without cringing or taking a pause and looking around the room awkwardly.
I clearly remember having a discussion with my peers about the horrid jokes and not once did any of the boys apologize. Instead, the girls cried and apologized to the boys for calling them ‘dumb’ or ‘annoying’ as they made those jokes. It was that moment I sat, shocked at the different ways in which we treat boys and girls in our community.
There is also a trend in our community where if there is ever a case of sexual assault/abuse, the victim is usually the center of attention and the perpetrator is forgotten about. Typically, the victim is questioned for the clothing worn or how late he/she was out during the night. The victim, in turn, feels dirty and used because of the way the masjid/school dealt with it.
Many guys to this day think it’s okay to make rape jokes, and many girls are too ashamed of their experiences to talk to professionals about what happened.
By keeping us out of the loop, not creating a safe space where topics like these could be discussed and essentially victim- and slut-shaming, my Islamic school was unable to convey how serious and important these topics are.
5. Women’s Rights/ Feminism
Once during senior year, we had a discussion about feminism. We were essentially told that feminism isn’t something that should be our “fight” because Islam already guarantees equal rights to both men and women. However, in this country and our so-called “Muslim countries” around the world, are women treated equally as men? Are women given all the rights they deserve?
Islam may guarantee equal rights for the sexes, but those rights many times go unenforced. As a result, women are still fighting to earn all their rights. So, yes, Muslim women are part of this “fight” because we are a part of this society and the only way to fix this issue is by coming together with other women and calling for change.
We were essentially told that feminism isn’t something that should be our “fight” because Islam already guarantees equal rights to both men and women.
Not only that, but women’s rights was a joke at school. Whenever girls would bring the topic up, the guys would laugh and make jokes about how “sensitive” we were being. Quite interesting that people who have never been through our experiences have the audacity to discredit our struggles.
6. Colorism/ Racism
Walk into any Islamic school and you’ll notice that there are barely any Black students. That’s a big indicator of how colorism is prevalent in our Desi/ Arab majority communities. Even more disgustingly, the few Black students in school would receive crude comments passed off as “jokes” from students and teachers. For example, a comment that was said to a close friend of mine when he was messing around in class was, “I know what your people are like.”
Walk into any Islamic school and you’ll notice that there are barely any Black students.
Muslim communities love to hide their blatant and passive racism with the story of Bilal (RA), using him as a reason why they could never actually hate Black people. However, rarely did we acknowledge Black Lives Matter, police brutality, existing racism, etc. Dedication to justice never included Black Lives Matter or anything outside of preserving their Desi/ Arab Muslim identities.
Being a predominately Desi/Arab community, those individuals were also the only ones who assumed leadership roles in the community. When a Black person would come, they would suddenly be treated as “outsiders” and a minority within a minority.
Islamic schools have their benefits. However, there are many things that we as a community need to be more conscious of and make an effort to discuss. If we don’t talk about taboo topics in schools or discuss real problems, we are putting our Muslim youth at risk and failing to progress as an Ummah.
Disclaimer: This article is solely the reflection of the writer based on her experiences during Islamic school and may not reflect every Islamic school or its curriculum.
Very well pointed . Although me being educated in a convent school has had the priviledge of studying and learning about these pressing issues, my friends who attended madrasa were not aware of it until i told them. Its weird how v hide these issues in the name of modesty n religious guidelines, however these need to be brought to the notice. Really nice of u for pointing it out .
Much of this would be best taught at home.
I’d add class elitism, political isolation, sectarianism and religious intolerance. Islamic schools can be very alienating places for non-Muslims to school.
Amen brother
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This article does highlight problems in the Arab/Desi muslim community that I needed confirmation on but to be honest it seems to be making a generalisation on Islamic schools. The problems highlighted by the article are valid and are real as per my school experience but to imply that all Islamic schools are like this is just not accurate.
With the exception of one year most of my school life has been in Islamic schools and I will admit that regarding mental health issues some Islamic schools are a bit uncomfortable having open discussion but the way the article frames all Islamic schools is just unfair.
My Islamic highschools taught us all extensively on the human reproductive system with an emphasise on female hygeine care. My teachers made sure we knew what menstruation is about, you can ask me how it happens and I can answer you.
We were taught about sex. How its done biologically, the nuances it carries, the emotional repurcussions of it, why people do it, how it should be done and yes how Islam permits us to do it. Not to mention we were also taught about birth control methods and how more often it unfairly falls on women.
My teachers also made it a point to stamp out any racism in students, it didn’t always work but I blame their rich racist parents.
And the whole rape is taboo thing didn’t exist in my school. My teachers know what rape is and they know how awful it. Sure yeah some guys made a joke about it but they got told on and then my teachers brought down hell. So yeah.
I will admit when it comes to mental health my first school was slow to catch up but by my fourth year we finally got a counselor and she was the best. We all loved her. She helped so many students including me get through some rough patches. She also undid some unintended damage our older teachers may have inflicted unintentionally.
To sum up. Your experience must have been utter shite but to generalise the problems that your school faced as problems that all Islamic schools face is wrong and I hope you understand this.
Im writing this because my schools taught me to fight for what I believe in regardless of what others believe. Maybe if you got to attend my school you would have never had to face the problems you faced.
I’m not Arab/Desi and it was not my school majority
no and not fair. this is just one experience, first of all, and our school is the exact opposite of this article. maybe this was the way all schools functioned at that time, or maybe this was a particularly closed-off school mentality, but we have never seen this disconnect in practice.
That’s her experience of Islamic schools and unfortunately about half of the Islamic schools are like that
I’m also aware of not acknowledging other religions. In Islamic schools, I don’t think most of them teach about other religions and what they’re about, and also the lack of diversity, explaining to children why racism is bad which really should be known instinctively
Working on an amazing sex Ed program geared towards Muslim youth: http://www.lovebeyondlove.com
We are working on a great project for sex Ed geared towards Muslim youth. Check it out: http://www.lovebeyondlove.com
we have to go back to the sunnah and learn form the prophet SAW. women would ask him stuff regarding menstruation and things people are usually uncomfortable discussing. our deen covers all this stuff, we dont need to follow the way non Muslims since this is already suppose to be discussed. maybe this experience sucked because they weren’t following Islamic protocol and had co ed, it seems like the boys were a huge part of the bad experience, well if they weren’t there in the first place their snide comments wouldn’t have made things hard to discuss. i went to public school and the physical education/health classes were separate, all the girls were comfortable in gym. at the end of the day everyone has to realize school cant teach you everything about life, it starts with our will to learn and suceed in this life and the hereafter.
Not all Islamic schools are like that.
As someone who went to an islamic school from grades 1-8, 98% of this is true and very saddening