Why I Just Can’t Quit Islam: A Queer, Shi’a American’s Tale

queer shi'a islam
  • Reflecting Pool

    …has your mother gotten help? Your family sounds like mine a bit, except I’m your sister and brother combined. A degenerate mariguana smoque surrounded dude bro. Anyway, depression is a mental prison as I’m sure you know. Whether her faith keeps her alive or not isn’t my main concern as there are usually underlying issues, like chemical imbalances, trauma. With depression, again, as you probably already know, it gets to the point where the loved ones’ sadness, the religion’s rules, and basically anything else that matters just doesn’t anymore. Living by just hanging on by a thread all the time doesn’t work. Every day for her probably feels like the day you didn’t have money to fill your gas tank, and even though the light’s been on all day, you managed to make it where you needed to go. It doesn’t have to be like that. Living with that much weight over a mind doesn’t work.

    I don’t know what I’d recommend. I’m on antidepressants, which do work, but not how I expected (expect to feel absolutely insane for like a week). I’m not even sure if it’s possible for someone in her position to feel well while looking at the state of what I would definitely call /regression/ of this country and it’s freedoms. Therapy is also a thing… that I never went to, but it’s a thing. I know, whoever your parents are, they’re not entertaining the idea of defecting (while remaining faithful or not) from the house that puts pressure on them to conform to a rigid religious standard, and it doesn’t sound like they’ll be willing to form their own standard of what’s really ok and what’s not. Definitely don’t just let it keep going, though. “It always gets better,” but sometimes it’s the worst, and sometimes there’s just not enough in sight worth fighting for.

    Btw super well written post. Write more stuff. Do well, good luck!!!

    • Reflecting Pool

      Ok revision: If you’re meds make you feel insane they don’t work and don’t wait until you need to be hospitalized because of it. >experienced<

  • dutchnational

    You are coming from a fundamentalist family.

    Letting go is hard, most likely it will cost you your family.

    Dutch society is much more relaxed than the average muslim group, but also much more relaxed, religiously, than US society as christian or muslim fundamentalists do exist here, but are not very prominent.

    Same sex marriage is widely accepted and completely legal here.

    What to do?

    Nobody can tell you except maybe for you to follow your heart.

  • Lisa

    I think, in part, you are deflecting away from your own problems by highlighting those of your siblings and mom. I would frame your issue as whether you can reconcile your homosexuality with Islam, irrespective of all the rest of your issues in your family. The answer unfortunately is no. Homosexuality is forbidden quiet blatantly in the Quran, and it is considered one of the signs of the approach of the day of judgement. You don’t have to accept it or like it, but you really can’t have both. I wish you the best of luck either way

    • El Cid

      “Homosexuality is forbidden quiet blatantly in the Quran”

      “…and it is considered one of the signs of the approach of the day of judgement.”
      Considered where in the Qur’an?

    • woke

      there’s a gay mosque in Paris though…

    • http://freedomtwobe.blogspot.com/ Freedom2Be

      I hope that you are able to point to me the Arabic word for “homosexuality” or the phrase for “same-gender love” in the Quran. Until then, please stop pretending that you know something about my religion that I do not. Thanknyou, and enjoy your day.

  • Spectactor

    You will find people who disobey many of the commands of Islam, whether it is homosexuality, zina etc.. They know deep down it is wrong and a sin and they genuinely feel bad SO they try to justify the wrong they are doing by finding faults in the religion (which is impossible). Unfortunately they are too weak to go against their sinful desires so instead of manning up and saying that they are wrong, they say Islam is. Scientifically they are treading upon a path which contains no benefit. You cant have children from the same sex partner, the man only inflicts pain upon the other man, and there are even cases of death because of the unnatural harm caused, but noooo, science would never want to tell you that, because they are working for who? Who is lobbying to put pressure on who?

    • http://freedomtwobe.blogspot.com/ Freedom2Be

      Love is not a sin. Rape is a sin. Terrorism is a sin. Greed is a sin.

  • http://freedomtwobe.blogspot.com/ Freedom2Be

    We queer Muslims have so many places to be ourselves nowadays. I am very grateful.

    * Muslims for Progressive Values
    * El-Tawhid Juma Circle
    * Muslim Association for Sexual and Gender Diversity
    * Inclusive Mosque Initiative

    There are many more. One needn’t even be practising, or believing, to be in some of these groups. One need only be, with all of one’s intersectional identities.

  • Suri

    I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. As the years go by, I find myself agreeing more and more with your conclusions; I take issue is with harsh practices of Islam, but I can’t let go of the benevolent God that is at the core of the religion.