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The 6 Worst People at the Masjid

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1) THE WAILING KID

You may think this kid is just being a poor clueless child, but his timing shows you that the whole thing is completely deliberate. He spends the entire sermon and prayer sobbing his little heart out, but the second the Imam pops out his first “Asalamu Alaikum”, the child is as right as rain.

 

2) THE NANCY AJRAM RINGTONE GUY

C’mon, bro.

 

3) THE CHATTING AUNTIES

These ladies know why they are at the masjid, and it isn’t prayer. They show up and lounge together in groups, chattering away in various languages. The gossip continues even during the sermon (bonus points if the Imam is actually talking about back-biting). These are the women who will approach your mom after prayer, and tell her about the random guy you’ve never met who thinks the two of you will make a perfect match.

 

4) THE SANDAL THIEF

Let’s be real for one moment here. Somebody is taking the sandals. Or at least spending an inordinate amount of time mixing them all up. There’s no reason why it should take a solid fiveever for everyone to get the correct shoes on the correct feet, after prayer. We don’t need every post-prayer to become a dramatic Case of the Missing Sandals. Everyone is a detective. Everyone is a suspect.

 

5) THE PERSONAL SPACE INVADER

This guy doesn’t understand the meaning of personal space. When the Imam says “no gaps”, he hears “try and fuse with the person next to you and become one four-legged organism”. The worst is when he’s got his freshly wudu’d feet all up on his pinkies. And you just know there’s gonna be some collisions in the standing to sujood transition.

 

6) THE TOO-MUCH-PERSONAL-SPACE GIRL

We all know the girl who needs to stand seven feet away from the closest human. This leaves you doing the whole polite tugging of arms thing. But somehow, no matter how many times people move her along she still ends up with a five foot don’t-touch parameter. If we combined her with the guy above, we would have the perfect prayer-etiquette-respecting human (hmmm, maybe we should talk to the match making aunties).