All the Times We’ve Said ‘Allahu Akbar’

As a Muslim man plowed into a crowd in New York City last week, Muslims around the United States held their breath. Since the attacker is believed to have exclaimed “Allahu Akbar” before killing eight people, Muslims have come together on the internet to reclaim the term. The phrase “Allahu akbar,” or “God is great,” is used countless times by Muslims every day during and outside prayer.

We asked our writers here on Muslim Girl and our followers on Twitter what they use “Allahu akbar” for. Here are their responses:

1. My husband says “Allahu Akbar” every time I spend more than $50 at Walmart. He gets a message from the bank every.single.time! So I’ll be driving out of Walmart parking lot and he will send me a text message. “Allahu Akbar. What did you buy now?” I should report him to homeland security.
2.  Every time one of my sons start their sentences with, “I need to tell you something” or “Can I …….”  I immediately put my head in my hands and say “Allahu Akbar.”
3. When your sport team wins and India creams Pakistan “Allahu Akbar.”
4. When any aunty ever starts a conversation with another aunty saying, “Did you see her daughter…” I say “Allahu Akbar.”
5. When my boy starts talking about puberty in front of me. I say “Allahu Akbar,”
   please keep their junk in their trunk until they’re  married.
6. When my roommate finally takes out the trash.
   
7.  When my hand falls asleep. “Allahu Akbar,” fam why you gotta be like this I need to finish this damn essay.
8.  When someone asks why I’m still not married yet. Allahu akbar. 
9.  When wallah bros and  NAK f-boys slide  into my Dm’s “Allahu Akbar”
   I block their wannabe as$es.
10. When you stub your toe.
    
11.  When the restaurant you go to with co-workers doesn’t serve Halal food. Allahu Akbar, looks like I’ll get vegetarian again today .
12.  When you head out for jummah prayer but there’s a grid lock in the parking lot. “Allahu Akbar” followed by a chorus of “Allahu Akbars” from the  other drivers.
13. When you get your report card and say “Allahu akbar.” But then realize that your momma gonna give it to you so you also recite “inna nilahi wa inna ilayhi radjiun.”
14. When you have to go through the second random security check at the airport. Just kidding, definitely do not say it there.
15. When an undercover Becky stops and frisks you for wearing too many layers, but you don’t wanna be late for prayer/class so you just ride your feelings out.
16. When we see another terrorist attack on tv and the perp was caught saying “Allahu Akbar.” This asshole is f*cking it up for everybody.