By Let’s stick to the drinks that are in the picture, Amani.
It’s 12 AM and I’m currently at a party surrounded by drunk college kids, limitless booze, lowered inhibitions, and an eagerness to have a good time. I usually don’t consciously make the decision to be in these types of settings, but even though my social life does find itself wandering into this territory, it’s also common for me to attend conferences or organizations or meetings that at some point host a social hour, which always comes with booze. Lots of it.
This sounds like a dream to the average person my age, but I’m a Muslim girl that doesn’t drink.
Usually this isn’t a problem at all for me. I really don’t care for peer pressure and I can totally navigate myself around drunk people (my friends tell me I’m so outgoing that I seem drunk even when I’m sober) and I tend to make the best of whatever situation I’m in. This one time, I was at a conference where everyone was getting blitzed and I could tell that the very few other Muslims there were kind of uncomfortable, so I made a “non-alcoholic bar” where I mixed drinks solely from the unopened sodas and juices for us to enjoy. It was such a hit that even our drunk peers came and sat with us to try our non-alcoholic concoctions.
Tonight was kind of different though, because for the first time I was really tempted to drink. That automated “Stay away — that’s haram!” internal response system of mine was on low battery, and I found myself depending solely on will power and self-control to stop myself from drinking. And that’s when it crosses into dangerous territory. It was a weird sensation for me and I felt really uncomfortable, so I knew I had to get away. I moved to the basement, where I’m now currently watching Catfish surrounded by a bunch of empty beer cans left behind by kids that joined the party upstairs.
As I type this out on my phone I question whether or not I should even publish this. The last thing I’d want is to be a negative influence, especially on girls younger than me, because I know I really shouldn’t let myself be in these types of situations no matter the reason. Islam not only forbids sins that can harm us, but also the avenues that could lead to those sins, as kind of a preventative measure from us being tempted to do something we might regret later. At the same time, part of my intentions in starting this site has been to help young women navigate an Islamic lifestyle in our society, and not blogging about this moment might be a disservice to others that have the same struggle. It’s unrealistic to imagine being a college girl in an American university and not coming into contact with alcohol… or even a lot of it.
If you do find yourself in a similar situation or being tempted by whatever temptation befalls you, know that you are strong enough to withstand it and remember that you are not alone; there are many other people, Muslim or not, that experience this challenge, so you’re definitely not a weirdo. Get comfortable with being the only ‘sober’ one. It might seem awkward at first, but it’s only as awkward as you make it. And, honestly, you being sober might be a source of strength for other people. I can’t tell you how many times Muslim friends of mine that otherwise would drink in social settings (yes, they do exist) would tell me they didn’t feel like drinking because they didn’t “have” to since they had another sober person with them.
And, you should also know that your strength is admired. Don’t feel embarrassed to say “I don’t drink,” because, remember, there are non-Muslims that don’t drink either, and people will always respect that decision (and if they don’t, you really shouldn’t be around them in the first place.) Plus, people are aware of just in fact how difficult it is to not drink in a situation where everyone else is, so expect respect instead of ostracization.
One thing I will never forget is a conversation I had during my freshman year of college. It was one of the first times I was surrounded by alcohol, and one of my peers came up to me with a drink in hand and asked me why I wasn’t drinking. When I told him that I don’t drink alcohol, his facial expression changed. “Wow, I was exactly like you,” he said. “I used to not drink, but I couldn’t handle being the only person not drinking at parties anymore. You’re so strong. Stay you. Don’t be like me.”
Just a note, though — you really shouldn’t rely on just strength. Strength can give out eventually, as my experience tonight is finally teaching me. I’m really lucky that things didn’t end up worse for me tonight, and this is an opportunity for me to reevaluate my decisions to make sure I don’t find myself in the same place again. But, to deal with this situation, there are certain things you can do, which I’ve listed out below.
And another note that I feel it’s important for me to make — drinking alcohol does not make someone a bad person. None of us have any right to judge another human being for their actions. That’s God’s domain, not ours. This article is for those that want to commit to the Islamic requirement of not drinking alcohol.
And one more note — if you do drink alcohol and want to stop, know that it’s not too late to start over and try again.
And another note — if you or someone you know is suffering from alcoholism, please have the strength to seek help, like counseling or alcohol rehab. There’s no shame.
I hope that you won’t find yourself in a situation like mine, but if you do, you’re a strong, smart, sassy woman and you are more capable than anyone to handle yourself with strength and grace. Here are some tips that I hope will help:
1. Remove yourself from the situation.
Go somewhere else. Head to a different social gathering if you can, or just go to a different area of the building or even go outside and take a walk. The goal is to place some distance between yourself and the temptation. You might get a few inquiries or puzzled expressions about why you’re voluntarily outcasting yourself, and it’s totally fine to make up some lame excuse and keep to yourself. Really, who cares what others think, as long as you gain the most important One’s favor? We all know that Hadith about holding onto your religion becoming as difficult as holding onto a hot piece of coal in the palm of your hand. Speaking from experience and recovering from a phase of “pretending” to be “cool” to satisfy others, you should never ever feel ashamed of the lengths you go to preserve your religion. Wear those struggles like a badge of honor (an unpretentious, non-self-righteous one!) What you’re doing is commendable and takes complete and utter strength.
2. Have a support system.
It’s a blessing to have good friends in your life that help you uphold – rather than take away from – your morals, and I am a very blessed person in this regard. I have a few (very few) close (super close) good friends that I trust enough to talk about my personal struggles with, in complete faith that they really love me and will give me advice and support that is in my best interest. I know that I can talk to them about absolutely anything without having to worry about them judging me (though that has never really been something that I worry or care about, but I do know that it’s a concern for some of us.) These are people in your life that you can turn to in a moment of weakness so they can help see you through.
Before I started typing this, I called up one of my closest friends and let her in on the situation I’m in and what I’m currently feeling (it’s necessary to be honest, with your friend and especially with yourself in these types of cases – otherwise, how will your friend be able to tell if they should be concerned?) She’s the one that gave me the idea to go outside and take a walk. “Amani, I really, really, really want you to leave the building. I need you to understand that it’s very important to me that you go outside.” (Note: if you need to do this and it’s late, make sure to take someone with you.) It’s really a very lucky thing to have people in your life that you can lean on when your own knees start to shake. It’s really one of the most valuable things you can have in your life.
Find the right people, develop your friendship with them, and never let them go. If you’re fortunate enough to already have those types of people in your life, have a conversation with them about a topic like this one and develop a mutual understanding of what things you’d like to help each other to do or stay away from, and develop an action plan you can take if either of you finds yourself in a less than desirable situation.
3. Distract yourself.
Like I said, I’m sitting here typing out a freaking article on a touch screen. Not the easiest of feats, but hey, it’s keeping me occupied. My friend told me to go outside, but I decided it was a better idea to chronicle this experience for (hopefully!) someone else’s benefit. Definitely don’t trick yourself into doing this if you’re just trying to make an excuse to remain in your lousy situation. Get your ass up and go if you have to. But there’s always the option of getting on a computer or picking up a magazine or anything else but playing a game of Survivor with your soul. Do something that occupies your attention and focus that will keep your eyes from wandering over to a bottle.
4. Pray.
One thing that my friend reminded me on the phone a little while ago is that when that internal “stay away!” response system isn’t as responsive as it should be, it could be because your faith has weakened. Recharge that battery with a prayer — and that is something you can do anywhere, without having to worry about carrying around a USB charger. Find a corner somewhere and pray. Supplicate God for the patience to overcome any challenge. Recite some dhikr (“Allahu Akbar… Subhan Allah… Alhamdullah…”) That just might be enough for you to regain your footing and remind yourself of what’s important.
Know that you are strong enough. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of that.
Feel free to leave your own experiences and tips in the comments.
This is a really eye-opening post. College friends make it seem as if drinking is the best way to spend a night. It makes me realize that being the only one not to drink – is actually a good thing and makes people really respect your decision.
Absolutely!
I was president of my college fraternity for two years, and I never had the urge to drink. My brothers were all non-Muslims, and drank pretty much at every social gathering we had–at any point of day. But they never hassled me or pressured me to even consider drinking. At the probably 100 or so parties I went to as a college student, non-Muslims often respected me or became emotional in supporting my decision to remain faithful to my religious and moral values. The only times I was pressured to drink was when I was asked to hang out with a group of Pakistanis visiting from Pakistan or with “Muslims” whose parents were of immigrant backgrounds. Many of them thought that I was an extremist for not consuming alcohol and one person even tried to put alcohol into my drink while I was in a restroom. I think American college students and Americans in general are respectful of people’s personal choices. Usually foreigners from formerly Muslim countries are not.
I am currently serving as president of my sorority and honestly my sisters respect the fact that I don’t drink. The funny thing is my Muslim friends tend to be the judgmental ones and are often asking me or try to pressure me into drinking. But I found it surprising that non-Muslims or people that know little or nothing about Islam respect my choice more than my Muslim friends think its because I am too religious. A few weeks ago we were out of town and ended up at a fraternity party, my sisters knew I was uncomfortable with the whole situation so we ended up hanging out in the basement with other sisters and they would bring me drinks that were only opened by them.
That’s cos non-Muslims tend to respect other people’s decisions in general, and Muslims are taught a broad “my way or the highway” perspective in life. Think about it.
Why did you go to parties? It is wrong to put yourself in these circumstances as it will mean you are more likely to commit sins.
way to generalize.
Very coherent statements. “whose parents were of immigrant backgrounds.” and “foreigners from formerly Muslim countries”. hahaha. What are those categories exactly?
when you’re with first-generation muslims who grew up being told that alcohol is haram and drink nonetheless, and you’re the only one not partaking, they’ll find your “righteousness” (a) amusing because they have different principles altogether, so they’ll give you a hard time just to mess around or (b) threatening because they fear being judged, so they’ll give you a hard time in hopes that you’ll cave and make them feel better about their own choices
Wow, thank you so much for sharing… You have a really unique experience with alcohol and I’m impressed you were able to remain unphased by the frat atmosphere. I go to a party school so I know how easy it is for guys to get involved with that crowd.
You got that right bro. Some frehsies come from juts repressed places and it does not take them to fall either “Paunch or Judy”, if you know what I mean. For me drink was honestly never ever on mind. I have been to some bars with friends or whatnot, but just never had the temptation for “the devils’ pi&^” whatsoever.
The fitna for me was usually the talking one.
WOW you were the president of your Fraternity and never drank, well done wow!!!
Weird, only the Muslims tried to get me to drink too
I had similar experiences as an undergrad. I was part of a fraternity but was never pressured to drink. On the other hand, I hung out with my Muslim cousin on an occasion and he was pressuring me to drink with him. Alhumdulillah I was able to stay away. May Allah guide us all and provide this Ummah strength.
Initially I used to think that if you love Allah enough then
it was such an easy thing NOT to drink. Then I realized how judgmental that is that
it’s just everyone’s struggle is different. What’s easy for one person might be
very hard for someone else and vice versa. I may not ever have the urge to
drink, but there are other tests I still do fail. So I guess much more credit/reward
for those who pass the tests that are truly hard for them. Not drinking is much less of a sacrifice from
me for Allah compared to another person who is really sacrificing something they
love or, or a strong urge, etc. As for me, I should work harder on the things that are difficult for me.
That’s a beautiful realization 🙂 More people need to think this way.
You make it sound like having drink is equivalent to a lethal drug addiction. You realize that alcoholic beverages are a part of Western culture and cuisine, right? And with this blog post, you are basically dissing an entire culture of people.
I like to have a glass of wine or two with my dinner some times, which is actually a healthy addition to any meal. By doing that, it doesn’t mean I’m getting “blitzed.” (LOL nobody even uses this term. Do you think you’re cool by using it?). You don’t even know what being drunk feels like, yet here you are making major assumptions. And yes, most people won’t care that you don’t drink. Why would they? That’s your choice. But when you make a big deal out of it as you’re doing in this blog post (You had to call your friend for emotional support? REALLY? Why not call Oprah as well?), then it’s hard for people to take you seriously. Other people are drinking and you’re not, so just get over it.
By telling your fellow Muslims to “be strong” and resist “peer pressure,” you’re basically saying that whenever a few college friends get together over drinks, you’re assuming they’re doing something vile and evil.
I am a former Muslim, and I am more thankful every day that I got out of that religion. Your pathetic blog post reminds me why I left Islam in the first place. I’m thankful I’m not like you anymore, and that I can comfortably live beside my peers who come from all walks of life. I still don’t eat pork, but that’s because I don’t eat red meat in general, not because of religion. And everyone around me eats bacon and ham. Yet I don’t feel the need to write an entire blog post about how I’m “resisting the temptation” of eating pork products. I’m perfectly fine with who I am and with who my peers are.
All I have to say to you is: Grow up!
I personally choose not to drink, along with the majority of practicing Muslims and even non-Muslims that commit themselves to that lifestyle. Not drinking is just as much of our culture as is drinking, and declaring that someone’s personal or religious decision is an insult to “Western culture” just because it’s different is uncultivated and kind of imperialist.
If you want to drink, that’s your choice. The purpose of this article is to service people that have made the choice to not drink and sometimes find themselves struggling with it. It contains my personal experiences in the hopes of it connecting with people — and if it doesn’t connect with everyone, that’s totally fine. To each his own.
For a final note, Muslims “can comfortably live beside their peers who come from all walks of life” without having to imitate their actions. True comfort with yourself comes from remaining who you are in spite of outside influences. Clearly, drinking alcohol just because your friends are — or live in a society where it’s common — is not a prerequisite.
Religion is also an “outside influence”! In fact all influences by definition are external, that’s why they are called influences. On the other hand, never challenging your programming is complete self denial.
Wow!!!! Are you really as pathetic as you sound??? Did you even read the blog??? She is not trying to insult anyone … rather helping anyone who WANTS to stay away from Alcohol!!! May be you should be the one trying to GROW UP!!!!
Ignorant much? although this is an 6 month old post. I was tempted to reply. If you haven’t noticed many people are actually motivated and encouraged by this article. She’s in no way offending or insulting anyone. Also Youu type of ex-Muslim really make my blood boil! since you were so eager to leave the religion. Then why are you even bothering to look comment and feel affected by this article in any shape or form. Continue with your Muslim free life! why complain about something that serves you in no way?! oh wow?! You don’t eat Pork .. Who asked ? Who cares? #educateyourself #growup #immature
wow…literally to almost every sentence you wrote: it’s you who needs to grow up. clearly you missed the entire point of the article.
You really are retarded or have a really fucked up comprehension of the English language.This article is in no way offending any culture or set of people.Two of my Scottish friends have stopped drinking all because of me.I am proudly a Muslim.
I am a non muslim who does not drink. Alcohol is a drug, a substance. Substances can be used or abuse. Although I applaud your decision to use as opposed to abuse it, I think you are knee jerk reacting. Not once while reading this article did I feel my drinking friends were being judged, or western culture, because although drinking is a part of western culture it does not define it. The ironic part is when you said ‘other people are drinking and you’re not so just get over it’. The only person who is not getting over this is you! She has no problem with them drinking she herself does not want to. And she is attempting to implement a strategy to assist this and wants to share it to help others in her situation; why the hate? Not once did I hear about her telling her frat peers not to drink. A former Muslim on a Muslim blog creates the perception that you are merely living your resentments about your Muslim experience through this blog-I do not know your experiences but I am very certain they were not inflicted on you by this blogs author. This blog was not about you. GROW UP! There was more negativity in your post than the entire blog.
I feel very sorry for you ex-Muslims. I know it’s very hard for you to accept Islam as the truth because you feel spurned from a terrible childhood experience with it. I know also that you feel more cultured and intelligent than Muslims and continuously affirm that feeling by bashing the slightest hint of Islam – so I realize this post you’ve made has nothing to do with alcohol. I wish you could give Islam a second chance, this time not under the pressure of parents, family, or community but just out of having an open mind.
Also I’m a guy and these articles resonate so much with me too (except some of the overtly girly stuff). Just wanted you to know you probably have a male audience because there is no muslimboy.com (at least last time I checked). Thank you sister!
This is not very good advice to be honest. It is strictly haram being in an environment where people are drinking alcohol (e.g. a bar, frat party, etc.). Even if you’re not drinking, being surrounded by drunk people and alcohol in a social setting makes you guilty of that same sin – which is drinking alcohol. There are quite a few hadiths that support this.
Allowing yourself in that environment might be wrong but as for “taking on the sin” of the people around you, that is absolutely not true. In fact, it’s much more plausible to say that you gain a greater reward for staying strong in an adverse environment. You can provide some hadiths to the contrary if you can find them.
This is the 21st century.We ll go to bars and parties where alcohols flowing….because its alot of fun apart from da booze.We enjoy eveythin exept da booze and there is nothing wrong with that.
Wonder what kind “muslim” you are ?
one who isn’t stuck in the stoneage
that’s what i was thinking, I also been in college for 4 years and I never placed myself in a situation where I was surrounded by people drinking…sure my college experience was not that great but it is not worth it from what I have heard your prayer does not count so i always avoided being in that environment. you should preach that rather than this article giving the freshmen’s false acceptance of being in an environment where people are drinking is okay.
This is good honest advice.
I got a can of beer open… abt to drink my first can of beer ever….well after reading dis ….the can end up in the trash….gal u rock!
OMG ur like an older sis to look up to <3
I’m not a Muslim, however I chosen not to drink for a multitude of reasons, and although I’ve have never (yet) found myself in a situation surrounded by alcohol, I will say that having a group of friends who really don’t care about whether you drink or not and just enjoy having a good time with you is really the biggest help, and it can benefit them- I’ve shown them ‘they don’t need to drink to be drunk’*. They have also commented that is great being with me, as they know they will never be the only sober one if they choose not to drink, and as her dad put it ‘alcohol is for shy people’.
Wonderful post!
Gwendolen
*i.e. I’ve done some… interesting stuff on my sober adventures… that involve lube and nakedness…
being in AA has actually attracted me to Islam as I need to be with people who don,t drink I am also very modest at heart and hate lewd behaviour I also like the Quoran but I,m afraid of rejection because of my past and I,m getting old I had to stay away from drinking friends and now my family are all dead except for my daughter in switzerland also I would not be able to contribute to the mosque as my income is very low I wish I had been raised as a moslem but I had nice family Where i lived there was a lot of drinking and i get frightened when i pass bars even now I,m in no man,s land and i,ve started praying to allah
Allah will never reject you because of your past hun, we all have a history! the state your heart is in now is all that matters- and you sound like a lovely person to me! 🙂 Also, you don’t have to contribute any money to attend a mosque so don’t be afraid of finding one near you and going in
I pray Allah helps you find the peace you’re looking for x
I pray Allah guides you. Ameen
Thank you so much for this. I think we need to discuss the issue of drinking much more for Muslim youth. As a Muslim girl, I have struggled with this immensely for the past year and really hope to make a change. Never thought id get phased by peer pressure but it can happen to whomever. Dialogue and support systems are extremely important on this topic even thought its avoided and seen as a topic that can be overlooked. I know many Muslim girls who struggle with this.
I’m so glad you decided to publish this because i’ve been in a similar “tempted” situation but thankfully decided not to drink. I know that i will most likely be faced with situations like this in the future so i’m extremely grateful for your tips xxxx
Assalamualaikum,
I randomly found this post, and I’m so happy I did. Thank you for writing an honest account about this situation. I’m a bit older, and unfortunately, when I was in college, I didn’t make the same good decision.
My 3 best friends in high school, 2 of whom were Muslim, started drinking sophomore year. I managed to turn down their offers and led a sober life, all the way up until I turned 21. Junior year of college, I just caved. I was sick of saying no.
I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t enjoy it, because I did. But what I noticed was that, slowly, surely, other aspects of my faith started slipping away. I stopped hanging out with my Muslim friends. I was embarrassed to go to MSA stuff, mostly because I didn’t want anyone to recognize me as the drunk idiot from the night before. And I grew more and more away from Islam.
But thankfully, I was able to keep in my mind the difference between right and wrong. I knew I was in the wrong. And that admission did a lot for me.
So fast forward 9 years, July 15, 2012, I woke up from another night of drinking, and I just said that’s it. And I haven’t touched a drink since. Alhumdulillah, this week will be two years without a drink for me. I’ve started visiting the masjid regularly again. I’ve started praying regularly again. And I’m much more humble as a result, because I’ve realized that it could really happen to anybody. What is easy for one person is not necessarily easy for another.
The take away from this long story? Seriously, there’s better things to do with your time than drink. It can be fun, but it’s not real life. You live in a fantasy land where everything is fun when you’re drinking and everything is boring when you’re not. And if you realize that BEFORE you ever have a drink, you will be so much happier and healthier than your peers.
If you do drink, understand that you can start over. And the sooner you make a change, the happier you will be. Don’t waste 9 years of your life, countless experiences and friendships, for the sake of something that, if you truly believe, you’ll eventually let go of anyway. Life is too short.
So again, thank you so much for sharing your story, and I hope you don’t mind me sharing mine. We need more honesty in our community today. Too many people are afraid of judgement to share the difficult things they go through, and they end up thinking they are alone, when they really are not.
I know this was written a while ago but I just felt like posting a comment anyways.
I felt really conflicted when I read this article and some of the comments that followed.
On the one hand, I think it is a good thing to share experiences when one struggles with faith and religious obligations and prohibitions. As a community we need to be able to talk about this openly. I can see in my family how burying our heads in the sand encouraged some of our relatives to go off the deep-end into apostasy and the rejection of God altogether.
At the same time, I don’t think it is a good idea to legitimize this type of behavior. I have lived in different muslim and non-muslim countries, I have lived the whole college experience and enjoyed it pretty well. I have absolutely been in situations when I was among a group of friends who drank. With that said, I think the one thing to do when you find yourself so tempted is to just leave.
Just leave.
Don’t stay in a toxic environment when you know yourself weak. You will have plenty of other occasions to enjoy a good time with your friends when their sober and during the day, when heads are still clear. When you walk into that situation, for instance a dinner party that could turn into a drinking contest, or a seminar/work event with cocktails at the end, just go but make plans to leave early. When you feel the possibility of temptation, leave. Go home. If you do have a good support system, go meet a Muslim friend, one that will actually be a good influence on you and help you reconnect with your faith, one that you would be honored to be associated with in front of God. Being born in a country and culture foreign to Islam makes it hard to reconcile our religion with our desire to fit into the society we were born to. But as Muslims, we need to remember that reconciling with God just has to be more important than reconciling with a nation that will not stand against his wrath.
Peace be with you.
In Islam we are forbidden to socialise and mix with people whilst they are drinking alcohol anyway, so these situations really shouldn’t be happening. I have non Muslim family who drink alcohol, and I try to avoid being around them when they drink, but sometimes I am in a situation where I can’t just up and leave(eg my mother’s funeral where I sat on a separate table with my husband, but family of course came over with their drink and wanted to sit and talk with us), but if it was just friends or acquaintances at school or college etc, then I wouldn’t go to such parties in the first place, nor would I stay for the socialising part at the end of conferences if alcohol was there. I am sure it is easier said then done in some situations, like a corporate environment where some meetings and dinners out with business people will have alcohol present, and where not attending or making excuses, or requesting no alcohol be present; may actually loose you your job or limit career progression. However, this is where you must be strong and not compromise for worldly gains. If you know that a certain career, or situation may lead to being around alcohol, and that you don’t have the confidence to stand up for what you believe in, then go into another career or situation where that will be much less likely to happen. If you have the confidence to be open about your beliefs, and spread understanding; then go for it and be a pioneer in that career or situation.
Why would anyone serve alcohol at a funeral =O
Also! I completely agree with you. We just shouldn’t be in that situation as far as possible, and socialisation with non-Muslim peers isn’t a great excuse. There are other times and places when they aren’t drinking, and honestly people are more fun sober!
But then again, alcohol is easy for me to avoid. I wouldn’t touch it or the people drinking it even when I wasn’t Muslim. Shaking hands, on the other hand….
Masha Allah…that was a really good article and reminder. Thank you sister. I did have the same struggle when I was in college. It is especially hard when i was at the party where there was other Muslims that drink and my non-Muslims friend will ask me why I wouldn’t drink. I will simply said it’s my choice. As you and many others here said, they all respect my choices no matter the religion and it doesn’t stop them to hang out with me and be good friends. Sometimes they are even the one that remind me to pray when the time comes. Sure there will be no parents, imam, or other Muslim around that will know if I drink, but Allah is always there and it is between me and him.
I came across this article at a very weak point in my faith and I couldn’t be happier to know that someone shares my struggle. Thank you for deciding to publish this.
This is a great article. These situations for muslims kids in US is very common and difficult to deal with. I wish there was more support amongst peers for this rather then everyones parents coming down on them. Sometimes having other Muslims who deal with this day to day can help more then just being told by our parents – who didnt live this life or in this environment – and then be thrown out there to just handle it.
Step 1 needs to be avoid being around people who are drinking in the first place, not leaving the situation. Also, limit your acquaintances to people aren’t binge drinkers. (It’s a myth that all college kids are out getting smashed. If you have heavy drinkers in your circle at all, let them be in the minority.)
I am a non Muslim fifteen year old girl and I was just wondering if you could answer some of my questions.I’m not interested in conversion or anything like that but I’m just curious about Islam because there are a lot of Muslims in my area and I was just wondering why/what they believe what they do. If it wouldn’t be a bother could you please answer the following questions.
1. Do Muslims belive that Muhmmand is the greatest prophet or just the last one?
2. Why do muslims think he’s a prophet/ what is the need for the quran?
3. Is it true about the quran telling muslims to kill non believers
4. why do muslims not think that Jesus is God?
6. If you converted what made you convert/choose Islam
7. What is the greatest thing about your relgion and do you have a realtionship with Allah like how evegenical christians claim to have with God?
Thank you so much. And I don’t mean to sound snarky or in polite (I know sometimes comments can come across that way) I’m just very curious about your religion.
Thanks again and may Allah bless you
ps. I posted this on another article too but I noticed it was written in 2009 and I figured it might be a bit outdated lol 😉
Hey Sky 🙂
I’m going to try and answer you as best I can. I’m a 24 year old Muslim female speaking from what I know.
1) We believe Muhammad (peace be upon him – we always say this after referring to him, out of respect) is the last of the prophets and that his greatness in no way diminishes the greatness of previous prophets such as Jesus, Moses, Joseph, etc.
2) There’s a lot of history behind this. The Quran was revealed over a period of several years. Muhammad (pbuh) was known to have been of great character – honest, noble, kind, trustworthy, etc. We believe revelation was sent to him at a time when the people had turned away from the monotheistic teachings of Moses and Jesus towards paganism and had extremely corrupt lifestyles and massive social inequality. He called people to the path of God and helped reform society. The Quran is basically our bible (which we also believe was previous revelation from God.) It contains history and rules and guidelines to live our lives by.
3) Muslims are NOT told to kill nonbelievers. Quotes you find that sound like that are taken out of context and refer to historical periods of war when Muslims were generally being severely persecuted. Murder, suicide bombings, etc are all explicitly condemned in Islam, as it is in all major religions.
4) Muslims believe Jesus is a prophet of God and that he will actually return before the Day of Judgment, but we don’t believe that he himself is God or ever claimed to be God. We believe that God does not have children nor was God given birth to. We do believe in Mary’s immaculate conception and in Jesus’s miracles, however. So he’s highly respected, just not on the same level as God.
5) There’s no 5 lol
6) Did not convert, but did drift away and come back stronger. Constantly seeking knowledge is key.
7) Greatest thing?? That’s hard. Off the top of my head, the tenets of Islam really emphasize just being a good human being and treating everyone, whether Muslim or not, with dignity and respect. I love the social justice emphasis.
One’s relationship with Allah depends on how they’ve learned the religion. “Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein” and “Allah’s mercy is deeper than that of a mother for her child” show how our relationship to God should be, but of course it’s a personal struggle for everyone.
God bless you! They’re not exhaustive answers but I hope they helped <3
That “Prophet” Muhammad was a pedophile, you could also worship some rapist in any prison.
Thank you for sharing, it takes a lot of courage to share experiences like this.
Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you
that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength,
strength and courage to yield to.
-Oscar Wilde
Psychotherapy would be a lot more helpful in dealing with the problems mentioned in this blog than wrapping your legs around religion even tighter and denying whatever it is that you feel.
It’s probably futile to say this here but the problem may be the fact that religion has become the centre of ones identity. Everything you feel has to be processed through religion, approved by a bloody book noboby knows who wrote. It’s as if one is stuck between moving towards religious extremism and giving in to the “other side” that apparently hates you for being muslim (this is not entirely related to the above blog entry).
I can understand awkwardness around people when you don’t drink (whether or not you’re religious), but when you actually feel tempted what so scary about trying?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8-pP4VboBk
Though I didn’t have much difficulty in avoiding the alcohol scene in high school and even in college, it was more of a challenge in grad school, as I was in Europe. During my 6 years there, the most common activity, outside of the occasional outing to the movies, my classmates and friends went bar-and club-hopping. I pretty much didn’t go and the one time I did, I realized why I didn’t like spending my time in that fashion – I was choking on smoke, and couldn’t hear the people next to me due to the music (which means I had to essentially yell at my friend who was standing right next to me and this was just in a bar). I don’t drink, but I would just have a Coke. That was the first and last time I went “out” as my friends would say.
When there were parties at my classmates’ apartments, I would often just go early, before most got tipsy or before everyone would move from the apartment to once again, going into the city for bars and clubs. So around 11 pm, I would say my goodbyes and head back to my apartment, where I lived alone. And even then, I wouldn’t always go – I would pick my spots, if it was a close friends’ apartment that everyone was hanging out at, then I would go. .That was in the early years – later on, when I made my choices of who were my close friends that respected me and that I felt comfortable with, we would do potlucks, go to movies together. By God’s Grace, one closest friend, who was a British Nigerian and church going, wasn’t much of a drinker and she lived around the corner with several girls, one of whom was Muslim, so that provided a much more pleasant enviroment, as it was her church firneds that would frequent those gatherings., Good food, some light music and light-hear ted conversation. Plus, I could be home within 2 min, so that was an added advantage and perk :). Another close female friend, who would often tell me to come early, so we could chat or help put up decorations for her or someone’s birthday before she and others were under the influence.
Secondly, I had two Muslim female classmates, both 5 years my junior, brought up in what I would say were cultural strict families, so I saw them make some poor decisions over the years – and I have to say, I blame their parents to an extent. since they were doing several things behind their parents’ back, they had some bad influences in their lives by their own choice, so that didn’t make things easier, since the drinking scene was prevalent both in public and at these get-togethers among friends/classmates. Though I tried to steer them away from things, as I looked at them as younger sisters (yes, it’s cheesy, but I’m that older protective type, though I have no siblings of my own) and I don’t think i went about it in the write way at times, so often, I got that brick wall, it’s-my-life reply. So I let it go but still did my best to look out for them in whatever way I could. Lots of Fitna out there and when young Muslimahs are away from home, it’s understandable to fall into things and surround yourself with negative influences, not to mention when the loneliness becomes a factor as well. And when parents aren’t looking, that temptation is multiplied at that stage in life. Hope this doesn’t sound accusatory, not my intention, though it took time for me to understand what my friends were going through and had to learn over time.
Just my experiences as a Muslim Boy 🙂
I don’t care of who is drinking and drunk
This is an amazing post MashAllah. May Allah bless your efforts muslimgirl. I am so blessed by Allah to have come across this post. I wanted to go to casino with my friends but then I prayed to Allah for hidayah and SubhanAllah! I came right across this. Now I will be playing the Survivor game in my home sweet home InshAllah…! 🙂
Stay blessed and I wish you all the best. I will pray for you and please keep all of us in your duas.
This is great, thank you very much for sharing. I was born a Muslim but have decided to actually seek knowledge about Islam and practise my faith.
This article has given me the confidence to tell my friends I no longer drink alcohol and be proud of this decision. So thank you very much. I look forward to reading more.
Hi. Firstly thank you so much for this post because it made me realise that there are people like me out there. Who enjoy socialising with people in bars or party’s but don’t drink.
I’d like to say I’m from a Britain so the culture here is to pretty much drink yourself silly in the first year of university. I enjoy going out to some bars, just because I like the atmosphere, but I’m starting to find it difficult to stay away from the drinking aspect (and getting bored of lemonade).
I’ve tried going down the find Muslim friends route, but each and every one of them seem to either drink and do drugs, or just do drugs (they see this as being better than alcohol, which I totally do not understand in the slightest). I’ve joind the Islamic society and it turned out to be the biggest waste of time. Everyone already had their little groups of friends and had no intention of talking to new people (which was the point of the meal). So I ended up on my own and feeling worse than before.
So I guess why question is what do I do? I love the friends I have now they don’t force me to drink but I feel so insecure about myself.
Well written.I guess temptations are real and can affect anyone of us no matter how practicing we think we are.
Shaytan knows exactly how to lead each and everyone of us astray. I guess the best way to protect yourself is to avoid those kind of scenes(that has been my strategy) Its hard but Allah will reward with so much more. “Whoever gives up something for Allah/makes a sacrifice for Allah’s sake, Allah will reward him/her with something much better”
I know how you feel though. Found myself thinking something along those lines last night…..for the 1st time ever at age 28!
Funny would have thought shaytaan would have given up on me by now and have bugged some teenager instead but there you go…always have to have our guard up!