By Welcome to #MuslimGirlAnon, your one-stop spot for all the advice you could need! Every week, we crowd-source the very best advice our #MGClique has to offer about issues plaguing our girl gang.
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Q: “I am so fed up of all this marriage talk! I just DON’T want to get married! I know it’s sunnah, but I’m just not ready to dedicate myself to another person like that. Marriage is such a responsibility, and I’m just not ready to take it on right now. It’s not for me. How do I explain this to my loving, but traditional parents?”
A: “I always say I will get married if it’s written, if it’s qadr. People say it’s half of your deen, but they forget to add if it’s the right person, if it’s that person that complements you and makes you better etc. I always tell my family: do you want me to just get married and then get divorced (not that is a bad thing, if it happens it happens). Usually they back off.” – Anon
My biggest regret is getting married young. I barely knew myself and I didn’t give my adult years to develop or mature.
A: “Gurllllll, take your time. I’ve been married for 6 years and it’s not easy. There are so many cultural and traditional expectations by becoming a new bride; it can be suffocating. No one warned me; no one told me how difficult it would be. Why? Because it’s simply *expected* of us to deal with it because our moms, aunts, and generations of women went through it. I also rushed my marriage because I thought I was ‘running out of time’ or ‘I won’t find anyone better’ because everyone was telling me I needed to get married ‘or else’. My biggest regret is getting married young. I barely knew myself and I didn’t give my adult years to develop or mature.” – Anon
A: “Advice to the sister who does not want to get married: She has the right to make her own decision when she wants to get married. She should talk to her parents politely and explain to them she is not ready. Request them to support her and pursue her passions in life for now. And ask her parents to pray for her. Prayers are very strong weapons, and it will give both parties peace.” – Anon
A: “For the parents part, they won’t understand as well as you want them to. It’s very frustrating, but at the same time, that is what they grew up with – it’s their norm – just like our norm is to wait and take our time. The best way is to respectfully disagree, and have an open convo with them, which may likely lead to agreeing to disagree.” – Anon
A: “Same advice I gave to a good friend: 1) pray for patience with your parents (they want the best for you but it can be frustrating). 2) focus on being the best you with hobbies, getting to know yourself, travel, education, volunteer work etc. 3) pray you meet someone who makes you want to commit instead of being obligated to commit.” – Anon
…don’t give in and get married just for your parents happiness (coming from someone who did just that and ended up divorced). It’s better for you to wait and iA find someone when you’re more open to the idea.
A: “First of all, don’t give in and get married just for your parents happiness (coming from someone who did just that and ended up divorced). It’s better for you to wait and iA find someone when you’re more open to the idea. As far as parents go, they all want to see their kids ‘settled’. Try explaining to them that you DO want to get married, just not right now. Try get some aunty/uncle involved that they may listen to. But at the end of the day, you need to remember that it’s your life on the line. Don’t disrespect your parents but also don’t get married for the wrong reasons.” – Anon
A: “It’s just something that seems like a lot to live with. Maybe make a deal with a friendly witch in the woods for a cake that will turn your mum into a bear. LOL!” – Anon
A: “By getting a job and being financially independent. In my opinion If you don’t have a personal life or don’t want one at the moment, the best way to shut everyone up is to excel in your professional or academic life. You need to look like you’re doing something else that will contribute towards your life.” – Anon