By I can’t speak for people of other cultures, but among many people who share my cultural background, there’s an odd fixation on marrying young women off to doctors. I witnessed a lot of this in my own journey to getting married, and it never really sat right with me. Maybe this was because my brother is a doctor, and I saw the struggles he and his wife went through, especially during his residency training.
The matchmaking aunties (AKA “rishta aunties”) often glorify a doctor’s career and the life of his family. They make it seem like being a doctor is the pinnacle of success, and it automatically makes a man an ideal husband. Due to all the good things a young woman hears, she might think that every doctor works from 9 A.M. until 5 P.M., Monday through Friday, and just brings home bags of cash every evening.
I am married to a doctor, and I can tell you, this is far from the truth. Yes, there are positives about this career path, as with many others. But it’s unfair to push gullible young women into marrying physicians without making sure they’re fully aware of what their lives might be like.
They make it seem like being a doctor is the pinnacle of success, and it automatically makes a man an ideal husband.
A doctor’s hours, depending on his chosen field (I say “he” because I’m talking about male doctors in this article), can be totally erratic. I’m writing this now while my husband is at work, and he’ll be there all night until the morning. My job grants me weekends off, but his doesn’t, so we’re rarely able to spend time together or go out of town during the weekend. He only has one day off every week, and sometimes not even that. There are times when he’ll get a day off on the one day that I’m really busy, and he spends it alone. Or he finds out which day he has off on such short notice that I’m unable to cancel my plans.
We are also unable to spend holidays together, because he has to work during all of them. We have missed weddings and special occasions of relatives and close friends, because it’s just that hard for him to get an extra day or two off. He is usually extremely tired when he comes back from work at night, during his day shifts. He leaves the house the next morning while the sun is still down, or rising. And I’ve gotten used to spending nights alone, worrying about how exhausted he must be while working 16 hours straight as I lay in our comfortable bed.
We have missed weddings and special occasions of relatives and close friends, because it’s just that hard for him to get an extra day or two off.
When it comes to the money, yes, most doctors earn an above-average income, but a lot of it goes to paying tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars off in loans. Plus, during their training period, which is usually three to five years or even longer, doctors-in-training have a very average salary and sometimes continue taking out loans for one reason or another (such as providing for the family or going on a much-needed vacation). My husband and I don’t spend a single penny without making sure that it’s accounted for, because we’re not as rich as people assume we are when they hear that I’m married to a doctor. And during his next break, we’re not able to fly anywhere to go on a vacation, because we don’t want to spend a huge chunk of our very limited savings.
When it comes to the money, yes, most doctors earn an above-average income, but a lot of it goes to paying tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars off in loans.
I’m not trying to make it seem like marrying a doctor is a bad idea, or that a person will be miserable if they do so. But women who are not in the field themselves may be unaware of what they’re getting themselves into. I’m just hoping that this will help shed some light on the struggles that a woman might have to face when married to a doctor.
Beyond that, a marriage is what both people make it, so whether you’re married to a doctor or anyone else will not determine how happy or unhappy you are. Which is something that I think the “rishta aunties” have yet to understand.
Really, those women should stop with their matchmaking and focus on getting lives. They need to read Jane Austen’s Emma and learn why matchmaking sucks. Romance is not a thing you can arrange. It just HAPPENS. Life’s crazy like that. You can intentionally try to find someone, and end up with no one. Yet, at the same time, you can bumble into a coffee shop one day, and end up finding your one true love.
I found my husband through matchmaking. 🙂
Not everyone is meant to find their spouse in a random / romantic way, but that doesn’t mean they can’t end up happy and in love. It’s not all about *how* you meet someone.
Good point, Bessma. I am happy for you. May you continue having and living in marriage bliss happiness.
Depending on random chance, do you think that has merit, a better alternative to successful marriage and will hold against its dissolution, separation and divorce. What if chance does not come across in most peoples lives due to societal and social structure?
My observation is that women like to marry men who treat them with contempt, derision, insult them, abuse them physically and emotionally. Then repeat, find another with same abusive behavior pattern. Married or unmarried living together the general pattern is the same.
They seek not love, care, companionship, romance … but only in theory. They find abuse – verbal, emotional, physical – sexually arousing. These women are often promiscuous.
Interesting but one sided article. Arranged marriages have uses, abuses and issues. On size does not fit all.
How about you WILL marry a man who treats you well?