This Is What It Looks Like When a Wallah Bro Is Designing His Bride

Listen, I am totally aware that the world is getting smaller and the means to reach out to people has become easier for our generation. Thank God for newspapers and social media that allow us all to expand our networking, right?
Having said that, I have to say, some of you guys are really taking your “networking skills” to the next level – and there is absolutely no shame in your game. Am I exaggerating? I don’t know. You tell me. Check out this guy’s request in finding his soulmate – maybe I got it all wrong:

Translation:
“Only for women who are seriously considering marriage:
A young man looking to get married. Committed to his religion and is from a well-known and respected family. Looking for a carefree, wealthy young woman who has good manners and faith, and wants to preserve her chastity. Must have no illnesses or birth defects, and should own a mansion. Must be 24-27 years old. Please send an email if you fit the description, as well as a photo and a picture ID to prove who you are (either a passport of nationality or personal ID).”

“…some of you guys are really taking your “networking skills” to the next level – and there is absolutely no shame in your game.”

Ladies, doesn’t this request just make your hearts flutter? What a charmer! Here we have a man who clearly knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it, and everyone knows that’s what we women just go weak at the knees for. We want nothing more than a man who will list what he wants in a wife like he’s writing up his weekly groceries.
And his demands – sorry, his polite and very sincere requests – for a beautiful wife are completely reasonable. You can’t blame the guy for not wanting to deal with a sick woman. Who has the time? Wait, and he wants a woman that comes from money, probably so he doesn’t have to work? Even better! What woman these days doesn’t have her own income and isn’t capable of supporting a family? This guy is obviously all for women’s rights.

“Here we have a man who clearly knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it, and everyone knows that’s what we women just go weak at the knees for.”

I say give him a chance, ladies. MashaAllah, he’s “committed to his religion.”
MashaAllah, alhamduillah, what more could a girl possibly want? If a man says he’s a good Muslim, then he’s a good Muslim. Never mind the shady means he’s using to find a life partner—his “intentions” are probably 100% halal.
Don’t think too much about why he’s asking for proof of nationality; there’s most likely a very good reason for it. I mean, he’s from a “well-known family.” He could be, like, a prince. Don’t you want to marry a prince? Come on, ladies, someone say bismillah and take the plunge.
Send the poor guy your picture and help him complete half his deen. Don’t think about the fact that he wants you to “preserve your chastity,” but will probably send your picture to his friends and ask their opinion. Besides, there’s something about being reduced to objects for men to scrutinize that just give us women so much satisfaction. Am I right?
Go on, send him an email, because, wallah bro, the one he has listed looks totally legit.