By Ladies, take a seat because I’m about to spill some tea.
For starters, Muslim boys. I’ve noticed that many of them go on dates, have romantic relationships, what have you. But the problem is, is that if a Muslim girl were to do the same thing, she would be talked about for ages in the Muslim community.
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini describes this inequality perfectly, with Soraya being talked about for long after the one time she had a relationship with a boy. It describes the gender inequality because while her reputation is destroyed as she is undesirable for marriage, the book also points out that boys can go to clubs, party, drink, have relationships with women and are still considered suitable for marriage.
Do boys get asked by their families to not go out at night? Do boys get asked where they are going and who they are going to hang out with? No.
When Soraya ended her relationship and finally came home, her dad had her cut off all of her hair which was considered her most attractive feature.
Why is that? Why is this the norm in society?
Do boys get asked by their families to not go out at night? Do boys get asked where they are going and who they are going to hang out with? No.
But if a Muslim girl were to go out. She would get asked, with whom? Where are you going? When will you be coming back?
Referring back to my masjid’s youth group discussion, we brought up the topic of how our brothers are treated in our family vs. how we are treated in our family. Many girls brought up the fact that their brothers are never questioned about where they are going and come and go out of the house as they please.
Many girls referenced times they were denied being able to hang out with their friends because they just “needed to stay at home.” Much of these double standards trace back to how our parents were raised with the daughters learning how to cook and clean with their mothers and the sons going to help their fathers with the business.
Even as we grow older and our family’s “rules” start to fall out, we still see some of the stereotypes present within our families, for example; one my friends told me that her dad said she couldn’t be an engineer because “that’s a man’s job.”
It’s time for our generation to denounce the discreet, but very much heard arguments about our young Muslim women.
My head felt dizzy as my brain filled with all sorts of arguments as to why that was so untrue. I thought of Zahra Khan, a Muslim, female, aerospace engineer and many others within my own community that were biomedical engineers, civil engineers, etc.
It’s time for our generation to denounce the discreet, but very much heard arguments about our young Muslim women. It’s time to explain why these hurtful words could be negatively impacting our bright futures.
Let’s encourage these Muslim women to go out a change the world in a positive way. Because we matter too.
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Written by Nuha Vora.
I’m sure you’re equally outraged at the double-standard of a man expected to buy a $10,000 ring, pay for an $80,000 wedding, and pay all the bills for the rest of a woman’s life. If women want true equality they need to prove it with their finances. You can’t quote the Koran when it benefits you but want to be modern when you want to have your cake and eat it too.
Welcome to the 21st century. Women can get jobs and pay for thier own finances which is what happens. No one asked the man to buy a $10,000 ring or wedding which both parties pay. Get your facts straight girl.
um every muslim women on earth demands these things to show off on instagram and women do not chip in for wedding related expenses at the same rate as men.
Every Muslim woman on Earth demands these expenses? Seems unlikely. Look, marriage costs aside, you can’t deny Muslim women get a harsher time all across the board from the community in regards to just about everything.
You’re delusional if you think any woman needs you to tell them what they think. Were not dogs. Were humans.
And most of te tume the womans family pays for the wedding.
Isn’t it a bit unfair to say that all Muslims have these standards? I mean, you all get angry if someone outside stereotypes an aspect of you, but suddenly it’s okay for you to do it? And…………….I’m hoping someone can answer this for me- who are you referring to when you say ‘the Muslim community’?
hypocrisy is a staple of feminists. They hate when they are stereotyped but have no problem doing it to others.
Honestly though look beyond yourself and see this is actually a problem.
Seems to me to be an attempt at the Muslim family life style.
What do you mean?
Have you considered that all Muslim families may not be like yours? That there is a whole spectrum and family life style out there.That Muslim parents tend to inculcate a sense of self esteem, self respect, pride in ones character, in their sons and daughters equally. In fact somewhat gentler, kinder more accommodating with their daughters than with their sons.
Developing and encouraging self respect, self esteem, self discipline, self ownership, pride in ones character…flowering in a crucible of integrity, honesty, faith, confidence and trust. In an environment and atmosphere of inner calm and disciple by setting up a subliminally cued personal example that encourages and builds a formidable impregnable defense and protection that polices from within, from the inside rather than monitored from without…against the temptations and traps of the world. That pride, confidence and self discipline echoes throughout ones life.
Khaled Hosseini was pandering to the west in his Kite Runner. Soraya, her hair cut off by her dad was the clincher. Too little too late in any case. Nothing to do with Islam but possibly fictional custom/adaptation from the Bible/tribal culture. Sells books. Had she a Muslim home, lived a halal life, nothing could have touched her. She would be in command and control of her life. Not prey, a victim to the world. Besides being under protection of angels, had she ever faltered.
Sorry about the cognitive dissonances of your life. The double standards you have been brought up with and lived under, they are not of Islam. You have not spilled tea. You have spilled beans. Take a seat and a deep breath, don’t slip. Your thesis is repudiated and rejected.
Actually this is not talking about Islam but the double standards in most of the Muslim community. Islam and muslims are different. Islam says men and women cannot date/ smoke/ be in a premarital relationship but those are only imposed on women NOT men. That is the double standard.
“she would be talked about for ages in the Muslim community.”
You are projecting the problems of your dysfunctional upbringing on to the ‘Muslim Community’. BTW what or where is this homogeneous monolithic Muslim community?
Ugh ugh ugh a slut is seeing this website ???????????? are you blind it clearly says in black and white ‘Muslim girl’ well look her honey your NOT Muslim so why bother having a say in this discussion? Your better of with your slutty friends snogging the next boy (as you do on a daily basis)
I agree with this. This certainly happens and it doesn’t involve anything about what is written in the Quran. Men and women alike should follow the rules written to BOTH of them. MEN should not be having premarital relations with anyone and nor should women. This is a matter that is addressed over the spectrum of any human body and being that decides to follow this religion. Women do have a huge double standard. If you are saying that women do not and bashing this young lady for projecting her life story then you are a hypocrite who’s projecting their own too out of sheer ignorance of how others might feel and might have grown up. First off don’t read something and then disagree with someone because you grew up fine. Second, realize the difference between the perfect book and it’s rules and an imperfect set of parents and sons that believe honor lies in the hands of their peers rather than god. Third, men have a hijab too. So before you sit down and try to preach the responsibilities of women to everyone, understand that men has responsibilities as well and just because men don’t need to cover their heads doesn’t mean they must suddenly become not pious and not preserve their chastity. EVERYONE MUST LOOK AT OUR PROPHET PBUH AS A ROLE MODEL. You wouldn’t see him (pbuh) wearing a Kanye West t-shirt and finding the most beautiful of girls to flirt with. It’s blasphemous. Parents are the culprits here. They cause all of the problems. BEFORE MOST.OF YOU GET BUTT HURT AND START DEFENDING YOUR OWN PARENTS. I’m not talking about your parents special snowflake. I am talking about the parents of women who have it harder than you so stop the ignorance and look a little bit harder and care a little bit more. Would it kill you to try and understand someone other than yourself??