Written by Marwa Adina and Dena Igusti.
Listen, the Muslim community has spent YEARS being associated with terrorism —whether it’s Sharia law, Butterball selling halal turkeys, or hijabis being associated with oppression. Especially with Trump as our future president and Islamophobes on his side, it wouldn’t be surprising if Muslim Girl is suddenly considered an Islamic terrorist group. Here’s some things we should do as a #MuslimGirlArmy in case we’re associated with extremism and terrorism.
1. Lets vow to stick together.
If we have any say in anything, we want our #MuslimGirlArmy with us wherever Amerikkka decides to relocate us. Let’s be real, the people united will never be defeated…even if we’re in an internment camp, right?
2. Everyone, please learn morse code.
We all know we’re coming closer and closer to a point where our voices will be silenced. There’s no way we’re letting that censure our narratives, though. Dena and Marwa will still be performing their poems…just through different means.
3. Get used to being vegetarian.
No matter how many Noor Tagouri videos we make, we all know no one understands what Halal meat really is. If its not bacon, its considered Sharia law -and we all know how much people love Sharia law. Maybe if we call it “Disease-free” it’ll be like, trendy.
4. Be mindful of what you purchase.
Don’t get anything that can be used to make a weapon. Like fireworks. Or an unopened can of soda. Or a paper clip (Astaghfirullah, it can stab someone if you unbend it!). The corner of a tortilla chip. Licorice. Just don’t buy anything at all.
5. Start Learning Latin.
We gotta translate the Qur’an to Latin. Arabic is too dangerous now. If we do Latin, no one will really know what we’re saying, and they might consider it a legitimate religion. Maybe then they’ll finally see similar morals and values in religions.
6. Learn to highlight your skills.
We should all get into sports. Or singing. Or some type of entertainment. Sure, they can exploit us for our talents while erasing our accomplishments. But that’ll stop them from saying we’re a threat to national security. Right? RIGHT?
7. We can make our hijab non-triggering for them.
You know how a lot of people are putting hats over their hijab? Let’s take it a step further and put a wig over it. At least you won’t be considered oppressed and you can do cute pastel colors or something
8. Coming of age may be considered a political ideology.
When growing up means forming your own opinion, it’s better if you don’t. What kind of crazy democracy would allow its people to criticize the laws of the land without any backlash? I’ll save you the search process, not ours. Maybe if we’re as childish as the president-elect, we might be taken serious.
9. Change your name.
Change your name. Marwa? You mean Maria. Muhammad? You mean Montgomery (mmm, fancy. Look at that). Fatima? How about Fiona?
10. Technology is only here to advance you into the terrorist watch-list.
Don’t google anything about the government. Everything you need to know, they told you in the media. Don’t even say words that may trigger a non-muslim. I’m serious. Remember your fifth grade report on The White House? Remember that text you sent last week saying Mashallah to your roommate because she was slaying with her new glasses? You’re just asking to be listed as a threat to national security. Get ready for the FBI to surround your apartment with helicopters and machine guns. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
At a time where we have to be wary about what we’re saying to each other it is vital we wear something like, say, a pin, to show allyship and safety with one another. Look after each other in this Muslim Girl army, stay fierce, and remember to use your words wisely before you’re left with no voice.