Written by Nasema Begum, “The Dating Coach”
It’s starting to dawn on you how great your ex-husband really was…You just can’t believe you had that thought! You’re out on the dating scene trying to meet someone new, someone better, someone who sees you for the potential you are, even beyond what you believe it to be – but your ex-husband was just that. You compare all the men you meet to him.
You’re trying to remember the reasons why you decided to end the marriage. All you can think of is the little annoying things that didn’t work. Should there have been a better, more significant reason for divorce? Was your reason justified compared to other people horror stories?
You’re filled with regret because you just didn’t try hard enough. Now you’re left with the great memories you shared: the nights in watching movies, dinner dates at amazing restaurants, all the gifts and surprises he planned for you, the holidays and all the other happy moments you shared together. Now you’re left with the question, “Did I divorce too soon?”
With all the wouldda-couldda-shouldda thoughts, how do you move forward? How do you know when it’s the right time or reason to divorce? The reality is there is no right time and no right reason. It’s about what’s right for you. During these times loving yourself is the best antidote. You must accept that you’re human, and forgive yourself for all the things you didn’t do, as well as for all the things that you did do.
Here are three things you can try to get your peace of mind, whether you’re considering divorce or recovering from one:
1. Attitude of gratitude
The more you think about your divorce, or all the things that are wrong with your marriage, the more regrets and problems you’ll find. Stop! Ask yourself, “What can I be grateful for today?” It could be anything small like the cup of coffee you had this morning, the job you love or even the new coat you bought over the weekend. Focusing on the good things will help you notice positive changes in your life, making you feel joy and happiness.
2. Me time
Take time to figure out who you are and what you like. It’s easy to get lost in our lives and relationships. Go out. Explore your hometown. Join meet-ups or take up a hobby you always said you’d like to do.
“Me time” is always great to get a break from your life and the rut we get into. It will leave you feeling optimistic and will create a new outlook on life. You never know… you may discover a new passion that becomes the way you show up in the world.
Accept what’s happened and stop judging yourself for not being good enough or worthy enough. Stop and ask yourself, “What am I meant to learn from this?” It will empower you to make the changes you need to take the next steps. It will take away the angry outbursts, the mood swings and the constant feeling of guilt, giving you the freedom to be you, new and empowered.
No matter what happens in life you have a choice. It’s your life. You are in charge, so make it count.