By Recently I have been asked numerous questions about maintaining friendships with guys while also staying true to your faith. This area is always seen in either a black or white light, however, it does not need to be. In today’s society, it is more common to be a part of a group that consists of both females and males. With this many difficult and awkward situations can evolve whether the guys are muslims or not. Here are some scenarios that you may find yourself in and a few tips on how to handle them in a way that is both graceful and Islamically correct.
An Awkward Pair
You have been planning on meeting at the local restaurant for a get together and you seem to be earlier than all your friends. It also just so happens that Omar, another friend, is also early. What to do? Well for one thing, never panic, because it only leads to unnecessary awkwardness. Simply engage in casual conversation at the waiting area until your friends finally arrive. If the hostess offers to seat you, politely ask for some time so that the rest of the party can arrive. This way, you and Omar are not sitting at a table alone where suspicious eyes may spot you. Also, according to etiquette, one must wait until at least half of the party has arrived before getting seated. So it’s a win-win.
Hello-Goodbye
This may not be an issue (hopefully) with Muslim guy friends; however it is quite popular with other cases. After procrastinating that research paper for your Literature Theory class, you are in a fight against time to get it done. What better place to do so than at the library? Walking in, you barely make it ten feet before your name is called. You soon realize Joshua, the guys who sits behind you in Chemistry wants to say hello. It’s like slow motion- his arms opening, his body growing closer and closer to you. What do you do? For one thing, there is a much more efficient method than instantly going into ninja-mode and pushing him away. Simply, put your hand out, insinuating your request for a handshake. Sure, it’s a little awkward, but at the same time you show him that you respect him and still want to maintain a friendship. The good thing is, after one encounter like this one, it is most probable that the guy will just go for the handshake the next time. Another method is more straight forward. When Josh goes in for the hug, you can tell him the truth- “I’m sorry, it’s against my religion to hug guys, but it’s great to see you!”- This way, you are still being friendly, but are laying down the boundary.
Plans for Two?—Or Three..
That chemistry test is getting closer and closer! Luckily, a few of your friends are taking the same class with you. Again, let’s stick with Omar. Thinking two heads are better than one, Omar asks you if you would like to go to the library for a study session. There are many ways to go with this. Depending on your comfort level, you can agree to go with Omar. However, you must ensure that it is a public place with many others around. As always there is another route you can take. Agree to Omar’s request and subtly invite another friend who happens to also be in Chemistry– “Sure! Sounds great. I’ll ask Fatima if she’s up for it as well!” -Who knows, maybe it will turn into a big study group instead of just you two! This way, you have not offended Omar and get a chance to improve your grade!
A main thing you must remember is that it is never good to inhibit yourself from making friends. Having guy friends can be beneficial for they are completely different and can give you a new perspective about a few things. As long as you stay true to yourself and Islam, a friendship with a guy can be a very successful one based on respect and mutual understanding. Remember: it should never be black or white. Hopefully these tips above help you girls out! If anyone needs a few more pointers feel free to go to the advice column and I’ll be more than happy to help!
All excellent tips! Thanks for sharing. I think it is important to have male friends, because like you said they bring a new perspective to things, which is always beneficial. Boundaries are easy to keep in place if the guy knows why they are there and it makes things easy and comfortable for everyone involved. There’s no reason to shut people out just because you’re Muslim. =)
Thankyou so much! This is a very nice article, I really appreciate you taking your time, and explaining about guys around us. I do have some guy friends, and they all know that as I am Muslim, they don’t do hugs, so that proves I have respectable friends.
Hmm, I’m a bit late on this but whatever. One of the reasons Islam says no physical interaction (i.e. hugs AND shaking hands) between male and female is because it may lead to other desires…But I very much doubt that if you hug Josh or whatever, that you’ll end up in bed with him. Or if you end up studying with Omar, you’ll be making out with him in the library It’s all good in the hood, don’t gotta be all strict.
Every Muslim has the responsibility to decide for themselves how they want to put Islam into practice; there are many young women that want to avoid that type of contact because it doesn’t match with their practice of Islam, and this article is to give them an idea of how to handle very common situations that they may find themselves in. The idea of “strictness” is relative to each human being 🙂
Well I’m very late. Ask yourself this: How many times does sex happen on any one night at a college? They all started as a handshake, a study group. It’s not like they met a complete stranger and said let’s do it. Islam tries to protect us from that.
Hello sister, I’m a tiny bit confused- is it alright to shake hands with males, or like Omar Ahmad has commented, it’s fine to touch them by virtue of the mentality of not ending up in bed with them? Apologies if this has been answered already.