Comedy Central Looking to Recruit Trump for Ratings

As the sun sets on the Jon Stewart era in the land of Comedy Central, the network’s president, Michele Ganeless, is looking forward to a new sunrise. That sunrise should have come in the form of young comedian Trevor Noah who was slated to take over The Daily Show this September. Unfortunately, after many attempts at negotiations, the contract with Noah fell through and he has declined the coveted position stating, “I’m tired of working for all these damn white people.”

“We honestly thought the mix of Larry and Trevor would be a great hook for Stewart loyalists as well as the younger demographic the network’s been aiming for,” Ganeless mentioned during our call, “I mean with all the instant streaming and YouTube videos and the Viners; it’s hard for a network to compete.”

“So what do you plan to do,” I ask in my most keen reporter voice.

“I never thought I’d say this, but . . .we need Trump.”

That’s right. Michele Ganeless is in talks with Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump to fill one of comedy’s most important seats. A seat we have reason to believe that will eventually be plated with gold.

“He’s actually not completely opposed to the idea,” she said after a few incredulous statements on my end. The Donald has been stating that if he doesn’t win the GOP nomination for the 2016 presidential race that he would run as an independent candidate which, according to Ganeless, is a “far off option” as opposed to a realistic move. Trump is still fielding options for what to do if becoming President does not work out, and while moving to Canada to avoid another Clinton administration is somewhere near the top of his list Ganeless let us know, “He loves America too much to leave. He also feels Canada is just a few years away from becoming the new China.”

“I’m tired of working for all these damn white people.”

Ganeless believes that Trump is “America’s truth unfiltered” and no one was more pro-truth than Jon Stewart so the choice to her seems logical. Also on board the Trump train is Daily Show executive producer, Steve Bodow who believes that while Washington is not ready for Donald, the rest of America is not only ready but waiting. Both Bodow and Ganeless have admitted to holding several secret meetings with Trump and his people both on and off the campaign trail. They admit it was difficult at first to get the Donald to agree to sit down. “He’s very mistrusting of both women and Jews so that was the first obstacle to work around,” remembers Bodow. But after much valiant effort the Donald met with the execs at an undisclosed location.

“Okay but what about his war against women? Won’t that chase viewers away?”

“Are you familiar with social media? Women love having something to be angry about. Donald could be the fuel for millions of tweets, thesis papers, and blog posts. All that translates to higher viewership and more income for the network.”

Initially I thought this was a terrible idea but when I really listened to what Ganeless had to say, the whole thing makes perfect sense. Donald Trump is the embodiment of what it means to be a successful, honest American. He’s white, he’s got money, he owns his own home, he uses words like ‘luxurious’ when referring to his own brand, and he’s not afraid to say what every homegrown racist is already thinking.

Why shouldn’t he be the one to take over The Daily Show? It’s the most trusted news source amongst millennials and millennials already know that they can trust Trump because he clearly takes no advice from public relations people or special interest groups. We know everything he says comes from that brilliant mind of his. In fact, his downright truthiness is a concern for some writers on the Daily Show who wonder if they’ll still have jobs if Donald does in fact accept the offer. Bodow was quick to quiet these kinds of rumors.

But that doesn’t mean Trump doesn’t stand for change. In fact, Ganeless informed me, that in one of her last meetings with Trump he suggested formatting the show without commercials to mimic the style of John Oliver’s show currently running on the HBO Network. When she tried to remind him that the show cannot survive without the investment of advertisers Trump simply responded, “Put it on my tab.”

“Mr. Trump wants to take the show in a whole new direction that he thinks people will find funny,” Bodow adds, “his big idea is a giant gold wall around the news desk with a very small door in it so that all the guests have to approach him on their knees. I kinda like it.”

Admittedly,  I kinda like it too. And while I don’t think I’ll be putting a Trump 2016 bumper sticker on my rental any time soon I am thoroughly excited to put Trump’s luxurious brand of news reading on my television.



Image: Bing