hasan minhaj

10 Fire Hasan Minhaj Jokes from the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

One of the things that always pleasantly surprises me about the Daily Show Correspondent and key speaker at the 2017 White House Correspondents’ Dinner Hasan Minhaj is his ability to pair hilarious political satire with major evaluations of life as a Muslim and the nation at large. Here are 10 incredible quotes from his speech Saturday night:

1. “I would say it is an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this. So of course, it lands in the hands of an immigrant. That’s how it always goes down. No one wanted this gig!”

2. “I know that you guys have to be more perfect now more than ever, because you are how the president gets his news. Not from advisors, not from experts, not from intelligence agencies — you guys.”

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3. “Every time Donald Trump goes golfing, the headline should read: ‘Trump Golfing, Apocalypse Delayed.’ Take the W.”

4. “The leader of our country is not here. And that’s because he lives in Moscow, and it’s a very long flight. It would be hard for Vlad to make it. Vlad can’t just make it on a Saturday. It’s a Saturday!”

5. “And I realized something — maybe it’s because we’re living in this strange time where trust is more important than truth.”

6. “Jeff Sessions couldn’t be here tonight. He was busy doing a pre-Civil War reenactment. On his R.S.V.P. he just wrote, ‘No.’ Just no! Which happens to be his second favorite N-word.”

7. “In four hours, Donald Trump will be tweeting about how bad Nicki Minaj bombed at this dinner, and he’ll be doing it completely sober. And that’s his right. And I’m proud that all of us are here tonight to defend that right, even if the man in the White House never would.”

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8. “I’m not going to call [CNN] ‘fake news,’ but everything isn’t breaking news. You can’t go to DEFCON 1 just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer.”

9. “Your work is invaluable, and I mean that as a fake journalist. I am rooting for you. We’re 100 days in, 1,360 days to go. You guys are running the marathon, and I’m at the half-mile mark giving you tape for your nipples.”

10. “Because this event is about celebrating the First Amendment and free speech. Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democracy. From college campuses to the White House, only in America can a first-generation, Indian-American Muslim kid get on this stage and make fun of the president.”

Keep slaying Nicki, we love you and we know you made Barack proud.