I remember my first time being intimate. I was so scared and anxious about losing my virginity, spending countless hours researching what my first time should be like, but I never quite felt prepared. Truthfully, looking back now, not even 400 years of research could have prepared me for what was to come.
Everybody wants their first time to be this mind-blowing, romantic experience that you can keep in your heart and soul for the rest of time. Statistically, it is reported by sex experts that only 1 in 10 women are happy with their first time. Sounds depressing, eh? Don’t lose hope! The truth is that as long as one or both of you are virgins, it means that you have literally no experience with intimacy. Just like any skill that we acquire in life, sex is something that becomes more beautiful with more practice. One must be open to communication about what feels good or bad, what you’re curious about trying or what you would never do in a million years. Your partner should always be respectful of your choices. Most women have satisfying sex lives in their marriages even if the first time wasn’t quite what they imagined it would be.
It’s good to talk about contraception among yourselves before sex ever enters the picture. Don’t be afraid to talk about waiting to have kids or what kind of birth control methods you need as a couple. If you want seven kids starting in the first month of marriage, but he wants none for the first five years…this is something you need to talk about as soon as possible before jumping into bed with them. It is a common misconception that a girl can’t get pregnant during the first time she has sex, but she can become pregnant any time she has sex. Don’t let it be too late before you find out that your partner doesn’t want children.
Next, when the time comes, try to relax your body as much as you can. I know it is very nerve-racking and exciting, though! Now that you’re married, it is encouraged to enjoy intimacy with your partner. Allow yourself to unwind and feel good. Sex can help a couple become closer naturally, but it also helps personal growth. Be slow and loving with your partner because your body will create more natural lubrication which makes sex easier for both parties.
Often times, a lot of women believe that everybody’s first time hurts. As I stated before, relaxing your muscles will really help prevent a lot of pain from occurring. If you encounter a bit of blood on the sheets afterward, don’t be scared or worried. It’s natural for many women to have their hymen break during the first time. However, if you don’t experience bleeding, it does not mean something is wrong with your body. Everybody has a different sized hymen, so some people bleed more, less, or none at all.
If you feel like your first night together is too soon, do not feel ashamed to postpone it. Even if you experience pressure from family or friends, it is ultimately your choice. Even if you are completely naked, it is never too late to say no. Your spouse should honor and respect your request since it’s your body. The same goes for if he is not ready, although this is usually less likely. To quote my mother, “Men are the go pedal and women are the brakes. He won’t stop once he starts unless you let him know that you don’t want to have sex quite yet.”
After becoming sexually active, please monitor your body. Does it burn or sting excessively for a long period of time? Are you bleeding more than your period would normally be? If these symptoms are occurring, please visit a doctor as soon as possible as these are symptoms of something irregular. Also, please visit a gynecologist on an annual basis after becoming sexually active to regularly check up your lady health even if you feel like everything is fine.
And don’t stress!