By Trigger warning for sexual abuse.
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My grandfather was my teacher
His lessons focused on teaching me how to make O’s with cigarette smoke and pray
He’d warn me the only way to fail is if I don’t participate
As long as my teacher was pleased and never complained
My parents never asked what I learned in school
Frequently my grandfather would test me on my skills
I needed to make him proud
Show me how to pray, he’d say
I’d get down on my knees like he instructed in every private lesson
Show me your O. Suck it in, and then blow, he’d encourage
Surely I’ve seen him pray
So what we did must’ve been holy
I knew, as a Muslim I am submissive to the One above
And it made sense why my grandfather stood over me
I learned to be naked to who I pray to
In order to receive his grace within me
So here I am years later, still praying
The only way I was taught how to.